A/N: yo this is SADDD! i'm not gonna lie i cried (more like sobbed) a bit while i was writing this that i had to take a break UH right! but i've been writing so much today it makes me happy!!!! i hope you guys enjoy
WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM
REQUEST: hi! can you make an imagine/oneshot where jughead's girlfriend passed away (suicide) a year ago and he writes a letter to her? hope this isn't too graphic, perfectly fine if you don't wanna do it. love your work :)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
SUICIDE HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255
—
Dear Y/N,
It's been exactly a year since you've taken your life, it hasn't been the same since.
I miss you, a lot. So does Arch, Betty, Veronica, Toni, and Cheryl. Riverdale seems lifeless, probably since you're not here. Hope that isn't offensive (?)
I'm sorry for not noticing how broken you were, how you were calling for help but no one seemed to notice. I should've seen it from the start, when both your parents left you in ninth grade. Your scars on your arms and legs, I'm so sorry my love you deserve so much better than what you got. Your grandma misses you too, she visits your grave everyday. (She also makes bomb cookies for me so that's a plus)
Riverdale high recognizes you frequently, talking about how bright you were and how you always spread positivity. But they didn't know you how I knew you. Your smile, your god damn smile. I miss that so much, seeing you smile at a crappy joke. No one could replace that, no one. It hurts my heart that you would sometimes fake it, because you weren't happy.
I won't forget the day I found your lifeless body on the tiled bathroom floor, it was horrifying. Seeing such a beautiful life, taken like that. I couldn't help but blame myself for the longest time, that maybe I could've been a better boyfriend for you. Maybe if I hadn't investigated with Betty so much, maybe if I gave you more attention, the attention you deserved. I'm so sorry.
I couldn't stop thinking about how I treated you the day before you did it. I practically screamed at you for being clingy, I pushed you away. Maybe I was the one who pushed you to the edge, your breaking point. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry Y/N. You deserve so much better than me, yet you chose me over everyone else. I don't deserve that.
Your seventeenth birthday passed about two months ago, I ordered your usual at Pop's and watched your favorite movie with your grandma. We also visited your grave with Archie, it was peaceful. It wasn't the same without you, not being able to tease you for how you like your burger, or gliding my hands through your hair.
Our anniversary passed too, two years. I spent two years with you, two years of Pop's, two years of drive in dates. I remember when I first asked you out, I was fifteen. My hands were so sweaty, I felt like I was going to pass out. When you said yes, I felt like I was on top of the world. That I, Jughead Jones, was with the most beautiful girl ever. You were my everything, you still are. There's not a day that passes where I don't visit your grave, that I don't leave a flower for you.
I listened to your favorite band on vinyl, your music taste was the best. You always had the best song recommendations, speaking of your favorite band they just released a new album. You would've loved it, they're actually coming to Riverdale next year during their tour. I wish I could take you.
I miss your hugs, they always comforted me. Right after my father got arrested, you gave me the best ones. They'd be bone crushing but they always did the trick. Being able to rest my chin on your head, gently rubbing your back.
I don't think I'll ever be able to find love again, it sounds dramatic but it's true. I dated Betty for like three weeks, trying to cope but it just made it worse. The wound around my heart for you is just too tender to heal yet.
God, I miss you so damn much Y/N/N. I try not to cry, but it's so hard. I still have breakdowns, thinking of how I could've saved you. How I could've some how made your
life easier to live, but I was too late.
There was a period of time when I was really struggling, I was struggling to live without you. I considered taking my own life but eventually realized it was foolish. That you wouldn't want me to, you'd tell me that Jellybean needs me as an older brother. That my father would blame it on himself and how he wouldn't forgive himself.
I know that your watching over me, that you're happier and safe. I tend to think of you as my guardian angel now, that you'll protect me how I should've protected you. I'm glad you're not hurting anymore, that you're finally at peace. But I wish that you could've been at peace a little later.
There will always be a place in my heart for you, maybe it'll heal soon and I'll finally be at peace for your passing. I love you Y/N, I'll forever be madly in love with you, nothing is going to change that.
Love,
Forsythe Pendleton Jones III
(or as you would call me: Juggie)
