All These Years (Muke/Cashton)

Ch. 6 - I Wanna Be Drunk When I Wake Up

*Calum's P.O.V*

A voice in the back of my head says: Calum, you fucking idiot, don't let your mother see you like this!

But do I listen to that voice in the back of my head? No, of course not! But that would be the smart thing to do, wouldn't it?

I stumble into the house, my head pounding and my vision swaying from side to side like I'm on a boat, a half empty bottle of beer in one hand and... Another half empty bottle of beer in the other hand.

I hear Ashton's voice sadly saying "Oh Calum, what are you doing to yourself?".

"Huh?" I ask, blinking like crazy, trying to get the room to stop swaying.

Suddenly, Michael is standing in front of me, looking upset... Or hurt... Or maybe ashamed? Oh I don't have a clue, I can't tell.

"Not again" he sighs.

"You sound upset" I slur before taking another few gulps of one of my drinks. He frowns at me.

"Let's just get you to bed" he says softly, moving to my side and wrapping his arms around my shoulders to guide me.

"Hmm, why?" I ask as Michael starts to guide me to my room.

"Because it's 2am" he sighs.

"Oh" is all I can manage to say.

"Oh, Cal" Luke says, his voice soft and worn out, as he appears at his and Michael's bedroom door.

Michael tries to walk past to get to mine and Ashton's room. "No!" I say, trying to stop. "Don't make me sleep alone" I beg, almost tripping over my own feet.

"Okay" Michael sighs. He turns us around and we walk back to his room. "Can you put these in the fridge?" Michael asks Luke as he takes one of my beer bottles from me.

"Sure" Luke replies as he watches Michael take a few sips of the drink he just took from me. Luke takes the bottles off of us and disappears into the kitchen down the hall.

Michael drags me over to the bed and I sit down on the edge of it. Looking down at my feet with a sigh, Michael bends down and undoes my shoelaces before pulling my shoes off of my feet and chucking them across the room.

I hear the clicks of light switches and the lights in the hallway outside the room turn off, then Luke walks back into the room.

Michael climbs into bed and crawls over to the far side and climbs under the sheets. I pat the sheets, the room is still swaying. Michael lifts the sheets up and I climb underneath them, snuggling up to him.

"I'm sorry" I sob onto his chest, suddenly crying.

Why am I crying?

"It's okay" Michael sighs, his arms wrapping around me tightly.

With a click, the light flicks off and Luke finds his way to the bed. "Calum" Luke says calmly, climbing underneath the sheets and snuggling up to me. "Everything will be okay, I promise" he whispers in my ear.

But everything will not be okay.

Because Ashton can't wake up.

*7 Hours Later*

I'm woken by the sudden urge to vomit.

I jerk myself away from Michael, who wakes up with a fright, and stumble out of bed. Luke isn't there, he must already be awake.

I scramble out of the room and down the hallway towards the bathroom and, thank god, nobody is using it.

I fall to my knees in front of the toilet and instantly start to puke up whatever was still left in my system from last night.

I groan as someone walks into the room, I thought of looking up to check but my stomach had a better idea.

"I'm getting worried about you" the person sighs in concern as they crouch down beside me. It's Michael.

"I'm fine" I lie before puking... Again.

"I can tell" he laughs, although he doesn't find this funny at all. He pats me on the back a few times before just letting his hand rest on my back. "I care about you, Calum" he sighs.

"And I care about you" I say truthfully, resting my face on the edge of the toilet.

"You know what I mean" he scolds me. I sigh.

"I know" I say.

"This needs to stop" he says calmly. I sigh again. "I know it's hard, Calum, Ashton means the world to Luke and I as well, you know that, we want him to wake up as much as you do" he tells me.

"Yeah but you don't need him like I do" I cry. My head is pounding and feels like it's about to explode.

"I know, but-" Michael pauses. "Just please don't do this again" he begs.

I sigh, flushing the toilet. Michael helps me back up to my feet. "Fine" I sigh, although I'm not convinced I meant what I said.

Michael frowns, not believing me either, but let's it go and guides me out out the bathroom and down the hallway towards the kitchen. When we get there, Luke is standing at the kitchen bench, doing I don't know what.

As I sit down on a stool at the bench across from where Luke was standing, I hear the kids laughing in the lounge room and I hear my mum talking to Ashton's mum and I secretly wish that I would hear Ashton's laugh, indicating he was with them, but he isn't... This place seems so empty without him.

Luke places a plate with two slices of heated up pizza on it in front of me. "It's the greasiest thing we have" he says, looking from me to the plate and then back to me.

I scrunch my nose up at it. I don't really feel like eating.

Luke closes his eyes, suppressing the annoyance and impatience he was feeling. "Please, just eat" he begs, getting sick of having this conversation with me.

I groan and pick up one of the warm slices of pizza. Luke stares at me until I finally take a bite and he sighs with relief.

"Here, have some water" Michael says, placing a glass of water down beside me before handing the other glass to Luke. I nod my head to say 'thank you' to Michael before taking another bite of pizza.

"Thanks, babe" Luke sighs. He drinks about half the glass before sitting it down on the bench.

I watch Luke as he slowly runs his hands up Michael's chest until his hands find Michael's face and he leans down to kiss him softly. They both look completely exhausted.

I can't help but feel just a bit envious of them both, I mean, they have each other to help them through all the shit that's going on at the moment and I have... No one... I feel so goddamn alone.

Yesterday, before I went to go get drunk again, I heard Michael and Luke talking about how bad the fans are reacting to Ashton being in hospital.

They don't know why he's in there, they don't know that he tried to kill himself, they don't know he's in a coma, they don't know because we didn't want to break their hearts.

The thought of breaking our fans hearts if Ashton doesn't wake up brings tears to my eyes and I quickly rub the tears out of my eyes while Luke & Michael have their backs to me.

But then the thought of Ashton lying in that fucking hospital bed jumps into my mind and I break down into tears. Luke & Michael turn to face me in confusion before rushing to my side to comfort me.

I sob into my hands, pressed in between Michael & Luke as they hug me tightly.