Bonded by Our Bloodlust 《Karmagisa》

IX: Subconscious (Part: 2)

.:Nagisa's POV:.
After I troubledly dozed off, I found myself waking up in an all white space. I panicked and hurriedly stood up. After running around for a while in this snow white area, I finally bumped into something. I fell to the ground, which was the first time that I noticed that there was no floor, and whatever it was, it was pitch black. After shaking my head a little bit with closed eyes, I looked up again to see what I had bumped into. My eyes widened upon the sight.

Karma stood in front of me, entirely clad in blood. He had cold and murderous eyes and stared intently at me. His bloodlust at that moment was all clear and not hidden behind any facade like he had put on up till now. I sat there quivering in fear, awaiting what could happen from now on. The fact that this was a dream felt completely irrelevant. I closed my eyes and instinctively curled up into the smallest form that I could take.

I sat there, waiting. I waited, and waited, but nothing happened. I did not hear any footsteps either, so he had probably not left, unless this world could make coming and leaving soundless. Which it probably could if I wanted. I waited a little longer, what were probably minutes. I then sighed heavily and finally eased my position and opened my eyes again. I looked up, and just as I thought, he was still standing there.

I turned my head to the side in confusion when he offered me a hand. I took it cautiously and kept looking at him. It was then when I noticed two faint figures in the back. I started to move on my own, towards them, but was immediately stopped in my tracks by a firm grip on my sleeve. I turned around as Karma kept me at my spot. I probably looked the most confused I've ever been by now.

When he confirmed I would not try to move towards them again, he let go of my sleeve. I tried talking to him but he never responded, he did not even do as much as nodding or shaking his head to 'yes' or 'no' questions. All he did was keep an eye on me, which sent several shivers down my spine every minute.

I sighed again and sat down. For some reason, Karma followed this time and sat down next to me. We just kept staring into the distance. To where the faint figures are standing. I looked around once again and finally asked. "Where am I?..." I did not expect an answer, and for several minutes it seemed like I wouldn't get one. "My subconsciousness."

I turned towards this Karma that had been sitting silently beside me with my mouth agape. I only realized at this point that my voice was working fine in this world for some reason. "If you're wondering why you can talk, that's because the real me wants that you can talk as soon as possible again." He suddenly said, as if he read my mind. He continued to baffle me as he started to speak more and more. Without noticing, it seemed like his expression softened as well.

"What you see here, are my desires. Thoughts and desires that I have without knowing. You're supposed to, at least." I looked around once more in bafflement. "Nothing's here..." This time, Karma took a break again, but did eventually continue the conversation. "Exactly. The real me has no material desires. Only things like you being able to talk and..." He stopped talking again and his eyes trailed off into the distance, to where the two figures are still standing.

"My biggest desire is that none of my victims resent me for what I did. Especially those two over there. But-" "you fear that they wouldn't have if they were still alive because of how you did it?" I finished the sentence, then looked at him again to see if that was a right gamble. He nodded and continued.

"Those two are the core of the reason why I don't want to trust others. The real me seems to believe their deaths are his fault only. That his tainted hands were the cause. Of course, I know that that is not the case. It's not like I enjoy killing as much as I make it seem." What he just said surprised me a lot. That seemed completely the opposite of how it went down yesterday. "He- or you... whatever it is, seemed to enjoy it so much yesterday." "Are you sure about that? Are you sure it was not just me trying to cover these thoughts up by lying to myself? Saying that it's just what I do and why I did it?"

I turned towards him in a shock and looked him in the eyes. They still looked somewhat lifeless, but less murderous and somewhat... sad? "You look surprised." He said with a voice as cold as his eyes. 'You think?' I sighed and shook my head to try to get me calmed down again. "Of course."
"Then please help the real me to get rid of these weird desires. Prove to them that they were never desires, and always real." He said abruptly.

"Fine. How do I do it?" I answered him without any hesitation and most likely consideration, at all. This Karma, finally smiled now. "Just wait until he enters his own subconsciousness, it'll happen soon enough. The rest is up to you." I looked at him in confusion, with a small smile across my lips. I sighed in disbelief and nodded.

He stood up and walked away again. "You may meet up with those two now, if you want to." He said as he continued walking and gestured to the figures in the distance. I nodded with a smile and stood up. We walked our separate ways and ran off to the small hill that the two were standing on. They didn't say much, probably because they were just a cognition. But I can feel that they were really nice people, that feel no resent towards the redhead at all.

Then the waiting game started. I seemed to take said redhead quite a while before he entered.
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[Time Skip]

I asked the two, of who I still don't know the names of, to let me through. They smiled and nodded as they stepped aside to let me step by. I thanked them and then walked towards the vanishing Karma in the distance. I took my time as I watched what was going on. His previous indifferent act was now replaced with desperate struggling and several feelings that tried to take dominance. I continued to walk forward with a smile plastered on my face, feeling genuinely happy to see that he has started to doubt his insecurities.

After what seemed like forever, I arrived before Karma who now had a slight look of fear blended in with a lot of confusion. I stepped a little bit forward and took him in in my arms. Whatever happened next, was all intuition, and I only remember it vaguely, partially.

"You can trust people, you know?" "No resentment felt." I said stuff like that, that I don't really remember correctly probably. Except. "I won't ever." I think I meant "I won't ever feel resentment towards you.", or something like that.

I looked him straight in the eye and finished him off. Then proceeded with doing the same to myself, to sent us both back to our conscious selves. I don't even remember what I was able to stab us with.

I woke up and looked around. "I'm not sure if that was a dream or if it really happened. Well, it probably did, I remember it way too clearly." I chuckled a little, and then noticed that my voice had returned vaguely in the real world as well. It was faint and raspy, but audible. I jumped up in a happy spirit and didn't bother to check the time. Knowing very well that I've overslept by a margin.

"Haha, I'm lucky that mom works early on Wednesdays."

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Yup
I lied :^
I said within two weeks but I knew that it would be up within one or two days xD

Well then- A double upload :) Kind of to make up for being inactive for this long and because I didn't want these chapters to be one big one, or to have them up apart in time.

I wrote these two in two hours just now TT I'm happy that I kinda have my motivation back. But I don't think I'll be able to write "really long" chapters again for a while with my level of motivation. I also feel like the end of this part is a bit rushed but I couldn't really get it to sound much better xD

Well then, thank you for reading. And no promises as to when I'm gonna upload the next part. Let's just hope that it's soon :>
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Also, I'm pretty sure that it's obvious by now that I've been playing way too much Persona 5 recently. Of course, this was hugely inspire by it :p