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"I'm sorry for dragging you into this, you must feel burdened.." seungmin heaved as he looked down.
hyunjin scooted closer to the younger, and after a moment of hesitating, he placed his hand on seungmin's shoulder. they were currently sat on seungmin's bed at his dorm while discussing over the topic.
the younger flinched at the sudden contact but soon got used to it, he took a deep breath before continuing, "I--It's just that my mother's death was very difficult for me to handle, but my father always stayed positive and optimistic. it made me feel like there was still hope, that we could survive, even though the loss had a huge impact on us. he never stopped trying, for us. that's why now that my father wanted this, I thought that it was the least I could do to make up it for him.. to make him happy.. I have no permisson to ask for your understanding or anything,, but I would like to ask you to consider."
hyunjin just hummed, deep in thought as he couldn't find the right words to say.
"I'm afraid I can't give you an answer right now, it's just that all of this happened so fast and I can't seem to process it fully. so if it is okay with you, I would like think for a while."
"o-of course, i'm surprised that you even agreed to hear me out. so thank you, a lot." seungmin sent hyunjin a warm smile which the latter returned immediately.
soon the older snapped his head up before clearing his throat, "i- can I ask you a question?", he intrigued.
the younger seemed confused but nodded nonethless. curious about what the other wanted to know so eagerly.
"w-what happens if I don't.. m-marry you?" he asked carefully, not wanting to sound like he was finding an excuse to not marry the younger.
"well.. I think my father would most likely start another lotto thingy similar to this and find someone smart like you, my father works at the servo as well as his own small company so that's why he uses that as an 'advantage'. If not that, I think.. he'll give up.. which is unlikely, he despises the idea of me using any dating apps and such. not that lotto is any better honestly, I feel like I'm an object.." the younger explained with a sad look in his eyes.
an unfamiliar feeling grew in the bottom of hyunjin's stomach as he listened to every word the younger said. sadness? pity?
jealousy?
'find someone smart like you'
that didn't sound right to hyunjin, he disliked the sound of it. 'what if he gets married with some pedophile or even a rapist.'
he then looked into seungmin's eyes who looked elsewhere, as if avoiding the older's gaze. he could see his eyes full of emotions, disappointment, sorrow.. fear. he really wanted to remove all the negative and bad thoughts the younger was dealing with right now, but he didn't know if he could. he wanted to give the latter hope just like his father but that meant for him to sacrifice himself, in a good or bad way, that was in the future's hands now,
"I-- okay, I'll agree but I need to have a few conditions.. if you're okay with it." hyunjin said, making the younger whip his head towards him. his eyes were now wide open as he processed my words.
"really?? of course, shoot." seungmin smiled as he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, relief washing over him.
"well I'm still unsure about getting married right away but if it is possible to start by just dating, or even getting just engaged because I really don't want us to have an unhealthy relationship. getting engaged takes the realtionship to a more official or serious level, but getting married means that you truly love each other and are ready confide to each other. so if we do catch feeling or even f--fall in love, w-well get married." hyunjin explained, his cheeks flushing a bright shade of red, cursing at himself for stuttering.
"t-that'd be more than enough for me! I'm so happy that you're willing to do this, thank you so much hyunjin." he finished with a bright smile on his face as he pulled the taller male into a tight hug, tears of happiness slowly wetting the fabric of his shirt.
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🌨️ song: big bang - fxxk it
sorry for not updating in a while, I've had a writer's block for some time but now I finally got this book fully planned, so get ready for some surprises later in this book!!
also I'll update my other book 'runaway' soon too
and of course comment your thoughts and vote if you liked! ♡
