Can and Sanem, a love story

"She is a fighter, she will be fine"

Summary : Will Can's mom be there for her son when he needs her the most ? 

It had been four days. Four days in hell. Four days during which he didn't leave Sanem's side at the hospital. Four days since her terrible accident. And Can thought it was all his fault. He was still at work when Mevkibe called him to tell him the news. Sanem, his Sanem, had a motorcycle accident, the motorcycle he bought her once, thinking it would be a good idea to let her drive it. And now, Sanem, his Sanem, was fighting for her life and there was nothing Can could do. He couldn't help but feel guilty, he kept apologizing to her parents, to her sister, to her friends. He kept apologizing to her but he was not even sure she could hear him. She was lying on this impersonal hospital bed, her beautiful face damaged by wounds, her delicate hands lifeless. He couldn't lose her. Sanem was his everything. She was the first and the last woman he would ever love. She was the only person who made him smile so genuinely, the only person he missed even if he was with her. She gave him hope when all he was doing was run away from his problems. But now, sitting next to her, on that chair so close from her bed, he was feeling hopeless. She was not there to cheer him up, he couldn't hear her laugh or see her beautiful smile and that made him so scared. He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't survive. 

Mevkibe, Nihat, Leyla, Emre, they all tried to make him leave her side so that he could have some rest. But he refused of course. He even refused to look at them, so sure that they would never forgive him. He could not forgive himself so how could they ? The guilt was eating him and the pain he was feeling in his heart was killing him. It was like a part of him, the best part of him, had already been removed from his body. He was crying. Oh he was crying so much he couldn't even breath correctly. And everytime he needed to leave the room, to just take a shower or buy her some new flowers, he was scared that she would not be alive anymore when he would come back. 

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Everyone was so scared for Sanem, but they were also scared for Can. They couldn't find the right words to make him feel better. They all told him that they were not mad at him, that it was not his fault, but he didn't believe it. 

He was angry, depressed, sad, so focused on Sanem he didn't even realize that someone had entered the room. First, he thought it was a nurse or a doctor so he didn't turn back. That's when he felt a hand on his leg that he finally saw who it was. His mother. The woman who abandoned him and broke his father's heart. The woman he avoided talking to for years and refused to see when she came back in town. When she had learned about Sanem and Can being engaged, she tried to make him change his mind, she called her a gold digger, insulted her family, she tried to make her leave the agency. And now she was here. Why was she here ? Can was so shocked to see her there that he didn't find any word to tell her. 

"How is she?", she asked. 

"You don't even care", he whispered, not knowing if he was really talking to her or just mumbling in his beard. 

"Don't say that", she said, taking his hand, as a first sign of peace. She was surprised to see that Can didn't move out. "I'm so sorry", she told him, her voice crackling from the emotion. 

"I can't lose her", Can finally said, tears on his face, opening up for the first time since the accident. He was so vulnerable, he knew in normal times, he would have never, ever, talk to his mother about his feelings. But for a weird reason, having his mom by his side gave him some reassurance. On his mind came the image of this little boy who needed his mother when he was sad, this little boy who begged for a maternal presence but never had one. He grew up with anger towards her, but that day, at the hospital, he didn't push her away.

 "I know Can. She is a fighter, she will be fine".

"How would you know that", Can answered, remembering how harsh she had been towards Sanem.

"I know it because I saw how she fought for you, even when I... even when I was rude to her. She is a fighter. Can, she is the only person who dared putting me in my place, in front of everyone, because I criticized your couple", she said with a smile of approval. She continued : "I was wrong about her, or about you. I shouldn't have doubted her love for you and your decision to get married. When I see you, when I see the way you look at her and the way she looks at you... it's unique. I was wrong. She is your family now, her parents are your family. They are everything I could never be for you, and will never be for you. Maybe that's why I hated all of this so much. They are in your life when I am not."

"And now, you won't even be able to apologize because she might never wake up", Can whispered again, blaming himself again and again, never letting his eyes look at anything else than her. 

"You can't blame yourself, it's not your fault..."she tried to say, but Can immediately cut her. 

"It is my fault. I bought her this Vespa. I taught her how to drive it. This is my fault".

His mother sat a little bit closer, and took his face in her two hands, forcing him to look at her. And, with the most sincere emotion, she said : "You can't blame yourself, it will kill you". She started to cry and continued : "It will kill you just like it killed me. The day I left your dad and you is the day I ruined my life. What I did to both of you, but also to Emre... You can't blame yourself because I know how it feel, and I would die knowing you have to endure this. I am not sure this is the right place to talk about it, but I am sorry. I am sorry for your childhood, for your brother, for your father, for Sanem. Can, in my heart, you were always my little boy. What I did, maybe you'll understand it one day. Maybe not. But never doubt my love for you. And know that this guilt had never left me. I couldn't protect you, and when I thought I was protecting you lately, I screwed up.  But I will do everything I can to make sure you never endure the pain caused by the guilt. Don't blame yourself. Please." 

Of course, it was too soon  for Can to take her in her arms, or to forgive her, or even to smile at her, but hearing these words was so important for him. 

Both stayed together a few hours, without saying anything, just looking at Sanem, praying for her.  His mother was sitting next to him. Not too close because she didn't want to invade his personal space, but not too far so that he knew she was there.