Can and Sanem, a love story

"My beloved, Sanem, my love"

Summary : Can left. Alone, sad, he writes a letter for Sanem.

My beloved, Sanem, my love,

I am writing you this letter not really knowing if one day I'll send it to you. And if I find the courage to do so, will you read it ? 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

What happened to us ? Why did I you have to lie again ? Why did I have to run away ? Why can't things be simple ? 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

I am sitting here, alone, in this tiny house, a pen between my fingers, looking at the sea and I have only one wish : that you could be next to me. That I could look at you swimming, that I could cook for you, that we could just do nothing on the couch. Like we used to. 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

Writing is your thing, your words slide on the paper so easily. I remember that letter you wrote me once, I never told you that I read it. I read it and then I tore it in front of you. Because I was mad, and felt betrayed. I prayed to never feel this again. But I did. I did when I learned that you gave your perfume and lied to me. It was like a knife in the heart, again. Sanem, I wish I knew how to react differently, I wish I could have listened to you, I wish I had never told you all these words. That night, when you came to the hut and I screamed at you is haunting me, your scared face is haunting me. Your tears are haunting me, your crackling voice when I told you I was leaving are haunting me. 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

I regret everything. I regret that you couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. I regret that I gave so much importance to your perfume. Your perfume, without you, is nothing more than a scent. Why did it take me so long to understand this ? 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

Why do I have to miss you ? I thought that leaving would help but it doesn't. When I feel the wind behind my neck, I feel your breath. When the sun rises, I see your smile. When I look at the sea, I look at your eyes. When I hear the early birds in the morning, I hear your laugh. When I smell flowers, I smell your skin. 

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

Would you care if I tell you that your ring never leaves me ? I made it a necklace to have you next to my heart. Always. One day, I know I will give it back to you.

My beloved, Sanem, my love, 

I know I will give it back to you but will you accept it ? If I come back, will you have someone's else ring around your beautiful finger ? Maybe a man, right now, is making you smile like I used to. Maybe this man never made you cry, maybe you trust him enough to talk to him. It's not my ego, nor my pride, that are forbidding me to come back, it's my fears. The fear to see that you moved on without me, that you are kissing another man, that your heart belongs to someone else. Fears. I have always been scared, my whole life. As a kid, when my mom left, as a young adult, when I traveled alone because I could count on no one, and now as a man, when I lost the only woman I ever loved. 

My beloved, Sanem, my love,

I keep a secret hope. Maybe it's not too late. Maybe there is no other man. Maybe that's my ring you'll have around your finger. Maybe you'll forgive me. Forgive me Sanem. Forgive me please so that I can ask you to become, once again, my Beloved, my Sanem, my Love.