Can and Sanem, a love story

"This is all your fault, the pain in my heart"

Summary : This is the second part of the last chapter. Sanem is saved, but Can is nowhere to be seen. 

It was his fault. He couldn't help but think that it was his fault. They were all telling him he was not responsible but the thought of losing Sanem because of this stupid Vespa was haunting him. She was back to her parents home, she was fine even if she was exhausted and still injured, but her life was not in danger anymore. Though, Can still had nightmares everytime he was trying to sleep. Nightmares about Sanem all covered in blood after her accident, nightmares about her dying in his arms, about her never waking up. He was imagining her screaming, being in pain. His heart was hurting and the guilt was killing him. His mother's speech at the hospital had not changed anything even if he knew this guilt was not rational anymore. And, because he was feeling so guilty, he couldn't go to Sanem's neighborhood. He was scared to see her parents, her sister, her friends. And he was scared to see Sanem, to hear us tell him that they couldn't be together anymore, that her father asked her to leave him, to leave the agency and to come back at his grocery store, where she belonged. In other words, Can was avoiding her and he was running away from the situation, making everything even worse. He was a ghost at work, he was not talking to anyone anymore, he didn't answer Sanem's calls. It made no sense at all, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. 

++++++++

Sanem didn't understand what was happening. She knew he had been there everyday at the hospital. She woke up from her coma, her hands intertwined in his. He had cried by her side that day and he had kissed her deeply. She saw the flowers he brought everywhere in her room, and she saw his relieved face when she opened her eyes. So why was he hiding ? 

She decided to call a cab and go to his house. If he was not answering her call, he would have no choice but to open his door. Her parents asked her not to leave their home, but there was nothing they could do to convince their daughter not to go find Can. She was like an unpredictable storm. 

With her crutches under her armpits, her face still bruised, her hair in a high ponytail, she knocked on his door. She stayed there ten minutes, but he didn't answer. Or maybe he was just not there. She tried to call him, again, and again. In vain. Sanem was starting to be worried, maybe he was at the cabin, or at his old house ? She went there, but still no Can. And to end this shitty day, it was starting to rain and she had no umbrella. Her whole body was soaked, she was exhausted, she decided one more time to go to his house. Maybe he was back home. When she knocked on the door, this time, she finally got an answer. But not the one expected. 

"Sanem? Oh my god, honey, what are you doing here?", asked his mother. What was she doing here ? And why was she calling Sanem honey ? Where was the evil Cruella she knew from the start ? "Come on, don't stay under the rain. Oh my god poor girl", she said once again, seeing how tired and sad Sanem was looking. "Please, take a sit, I'll try to find some dry clothes", she continued. 

"I am just here to see Can", Sanem said, in despair, her voice strangled by her tears. "Please, tell me where he is". Sanem was crying now, she was in pain. Her body was hurting her because of her injuries, and she was emotionally tired. "Why would he abandon me?"

His mother cut her immediately, saying softly while giving her a towel to wring out her hair : "He will never abandon you Sanem. Never say that again. He loves you, oh he loves you so much". 

"Then, why is he not here when I need him the most. What did I do?". She couldn't believe that Can's mom was now gently caressing her hair to ease her pain and calm her down. 

"I can't answer that, I don't know him enough anymore to understand what he has in his mind darling, but if he is just a little bit like I am, then I can promise you he will come to his sense. It took me years but I have the feeling that it won't take that long for him. He was feeling so guilty you know, after your accident."

"It's not his fault", Sanem whispered, still crying but also so surprised by the woman she had in front of her. A maternal woman, whose face was, for the first time, showing empathy and softness. 

"I know dear Sanem", she answered. She then took one more look at the poor trembling girl, and said : "Please, let me find you some dry clothes and please, stay here for the night. It's cold outside, and you are exhausted, I'll call your parents to let them now you are here and I am with you. You can't go back home now, not like that, I won't let you". Sanem didn't even try to argue, she knew the woman was right, she really needed some rest. 

+++++++

When she woke up the next morning, in that guest room she had already used once, she smelt a scent next to her. That scent she made for Can and he never stopped wearing on his skin. He was there, lying next to her, his arms around her waist.

"Can?", she whispered, still unsure about his presence. He answered by kissing her forehead, not moving from her side, in this tiny bed. "Where have you been", she asked, overwhelmed by the emotion, not able to hold back a tear. A tear that Can immediately swiped before talking for the first time. But he didn't really know what to say. How do you explain to your loved one that you abandoned her, and make her suffer even more when she needed you the most. How do you explain something as irrational as the guilt he was feeling inside. So, he only said : "I am so sorry". 

"You left me. You let me down. Why would you do this", asked Sanem, calmly, her hand on his cheek, looking into his gaze with intensity. 

"I know. I... all of this... this is all my fault". By all of this, he meant her injuries, the bruises on her face, her pain. "This is all my fault", he said again, not able to contain his emotion but forcing himself not to cry. 

"Can... how can this be your fault? You weren't even there during my accident. If it's someones fault, blame this guy in his car who didn't see me and crashed on my motorcycle."

"Sanem, your father agreed to our relationship because I swore I would protect you. I failed. I failed Sanem". For the first time, Can was expressing out loud his feelings about all of this. And he couldn't hold his pain and his tears anymore. He stood up, leaving his side of the bed, and he tried to open the door. But this time, Sanem was not letting him go. Despite her injured leg and her hurting back, she took one of her crutches to help her stand up, and jumped in front of the door. 

"No, you are not leaving once again!" she screamed. "I dare you Can !"

Surprised by her reaction, Can tried once again to move but she was not decided to let him go. Not this time. "Sanem, please"

"Oh, so you think I'm just going to let you go ! Without explanations ! Do you think you are the victim here Can ? Look at me ! Look at me !" Can had never seen Sanem so angry. "This", she said showing her injuries. "You didn't cause this Can ! Ok you didn't ! Let the guilt go already ! But THIS!", she continued, this time, showing her heart. "This is all your fault. The pain in my heart, my soul aching, the tears on my face, this is all yours ! So, are you going to run out once again ? You said you couldn't protect me ? Ok, look at me and tell me you are protecting me by running out ! Can you tell me this?" 

"I can't Sanem ! I can't tell you this!" it was Can's turn to scream now. They were both so desperate right now. 

"You can't huh ? And why can't you ?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. I love you so much it hurts. I love you more than I love myself, that's what you told me once right? I love you. I love you and you have no idea how much it's killing me to see you like this and to know I couldn't protect you" he screamed one more time, taking her face in his hands, kissing her so deeply, with so much anger and desperation she couldn't breath anymore. 

"Just stop with this guilt non sense ok? The only protection I need is you by my side", she said this time with a soft voice, before giving him back his kiss. "Don't ever leave me again", she continued, kissing him one more time. 

"I won't", he whispered almost touching her lips.