Sour Sweet: Rain In The Sunshine (KTH)

9. Mood

My eyes follow the movements that are shown on the TV. Wherever he goes, whenever he jumps, whatever he says, recorded in my mind as the time pass, until the show filled with artists and MCs bowing for appreciation to the audiences.

It was yesterday --no, yesterday's night, that I found out he isn't single anymore. But it feels like a minute ago.

The way he smiles happily, eyes sparkling as if he just met an Angel. Not caring what other's saying anymore.

Fool me, I should've know that, what was I even expecting?

"Y'okay?" I startle, pulling my head away from my hugging arms that I unconsciously did. Turning my head to the worry voice near the door, I frown, when did she get in?

"Nana-ya, you look pale." Jiyeon makes her way towards me, throwing her bag onto the carpeted tiles.

She is ready with her open arms, going to pull me into her embrace. But I turn my head away, looking out to the windows right beside the sofa that I'm sitting on.

Now I don't feel any movements near me, sure enough Jiyeon had just stopped, hurt, maybe, but I don't budge. Still scanning through the wide windows.

"N-nana ya?" She asks above whisper, it was a soft voice that I close my eyes. A soft caressing hand touches my hair, calming my once messy heart.

I shouldn't have a crush on an idol.

He's at the top and everyone knows him. While I'm just a piece of dust among the shoes in a shoerack.

I bet he even has forgotten that I was there near him once.

"It's been a while after years. . ." My voice cracks, I know this would happen if I let it out, "And I broke myself again."

A tear slips down on my cheek. Heart pounding slowly as my body falls weaker, I'm not heartbroken--

"It's just that, I feel ashamed for having such a feeling. I thought.. I thought--"

"Shh," she hushes softly and pulls me into her arms. Caring arms. My favorite arms.

"We're here to support them, okay? And it's not weird if you like him, I even love Jungkook oppa. I feel stupid at times, too, but it's not our fault, it's their fault for having that damn, pretty faces. Now, shh, it's okay."

Yes, she knew I like Kim Seokjin. But she doesn't know the feeling of shame that I'm having, does she?

Its never been a problem if Jiyeon dreamt to marry Jungkook, but it is a big problem for me to even near imagine such a thing towards Seokjin. We're in different  race and religion--

It's just a stupid idea.

"Nana-ya, stop crying.."

- - - - - -

A heavy sigh left my mouth, forming a warm steam touching the air. The night world is busier tonight, the passing bus was full of standing people.

I walk silently with hands in my coat, calming myself outside just like what Taehyung said when we met weeks ago.

A buzzing sound sends vibrations to the fabric of my coat, I hook the phone out and read the message sender's ID.

My eyes round for a second, it's Taehyung.
A tickling butterfly playing around in my chest, lightning up my once screwed mood.

It's Taehyung, from BTS, the idol.

Naa-ya, how are you?

Still walking slowly, I work my thumbs together to reply.