Thanatophobia (fear of dying)

Blushing

“I-I messed up…big time.” I choked out, feeling the walls of my throat constricting. This was all my fault.

“What are you talking about?” Elliot looked down at me, perplexed. “I’m just happy you’re okay. Nothing’s your fault.”

“No, you don’t understand,” I mumbled shaking my head slightly. “There was a call and I-I answered it and said I was the help, but I don’t think he believed me… And then- then today I forgot and I just opened the door and…and he said he’d call you. I’m ssso sssorry.” Tears were now beginning to stream down my face. I ruined it. I ruined everything all for a stupid, careless mistake.

“Shhh…” Elliot’s eyes remained soft as he brushed my tears away with his thumb. “I don’t blame you. Randall was onto me from the start. Don’t blame yourself at all. It was bound to happen.”

“B-Bbut..” I blubbered, feeling panic and fear rise up in my chest all at once.

“Shhh,” Elliot repeated, drawing my head closer into his chest as he soothingly rubbed my back. “You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”

“But what about the other people,” I sniffled softly as I inched my head up to look up at him.

“I’ll figure out something. Randall still needs proof before they will do anything.”

“You mean, S.O.M.E?” I questioned softly.

“I see you’ve been doing your research. Good,” He tried his best to smile though the overall effect was forced.

“Why’d you decide to tell me?”

He sighed softly, “I don’t know. I guess I just decided to trust you. I mean you made some good points. You had a right to know.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled as I rubbed my cheek into the silky smooth material of Elliot’s dress shirt.

“No problem, kitten,” he sighed.

After a few minutes of standing like that, I raised my head up a couple of notches, “Why did you think I was dead anyway?”

Elliot sighed, loosening his hold of me a bit as I straightened up. “I didn’t know what to think at first. I just got a text message saying “I know she’s alive.” So I did the only thing I could think of doing; I rushed out of my meeting and flew back here, praying nothing had happened to you.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, letting this information sink in.

“You know I haven’t been quite honest with you. I lied.” I snapped my head up, heart rate increasing expecting the worse. And I’d just began to trust him…

“Carlea didn’t die of a brain hemorage- that was the official story that everyone else knows. In reality, it was S.O.M.E. that killed her. That’s how they got me to negotiate the contract in the first place.”

“But that was a year ago…”

“Exactly,” he sighed, his eyes beginning to cloud over. “They wanted to give me a year to make sure I wouldn’t blab or try and pull the wool over their eyes. They wanted to make sure I had time to prepare…” Elliot sucked in a sharp breath before composing himself as he looked down at me. He brushed his hand along my cheek and across my jawbone.

“I was so worried that I was going to make the same mistake twice. I didn’t want to lose you.”

The side of my mouth twitched down slightly, “You know, I’m not Carlea,” I stated. I felt as if it was all a sham. He only wanted me around because I looked a bit like her.