HIM ♕ Jason McCann

Chapter Twenty Three

The cold breeze drove the raindrops towards Felicia's eyes as she laid her head on the window ledge. Her eyes were puffy from uncontrollable tears whilst, the drops of rain couldn't have made it worse. The afternoon which was usually filled with uncontrollable laughs of her family, had turned gloomy and lacked energy. Her parents were extremely upset with. In fact, upset was an underestimation. They were utterly disgusted and ashamed by her. After what they believed that their daughter was honest, their hopes were completely shattered. They felt like they didn't know her anymore.

"Eat the food, we don't want you to die, for all we care." Her dad broke the silence on the other side of the door. Felicia could feel the venom dripping off of each word he said. She flinched at the thought of her dad being furious with her. She didn't want to get on his bad side, but when she did, it was the most frightening thing she could ever hear. She unfolded her legs and gently closed the window, although the rain had somewhat comforted her by accompanying her tears. But, she didn't want another bad impression.

Not like this wasn't already bad enough, she thought.

She turned the door knob, feeling nervousness take over her, once again. It seemed funny to her how just yesterday, she was boosted with confidence, but the weather was unpredictable just like her future. She tip-toed towards the dining room quietly, not wanting to let her parents know that she was on her way to grab some food. After all, the guilt and disobedience she felt towards her parents made her ashamed of her own self. Once she made sure no one else were present in the kitchen with her, she took out a plate and served herself some food.

"What did I do to deserve this torture? We gave her everything we could, we treated her like the goddamn princess she was to us. How can she do this?" She heard the faint sobs of her mother while her father was trying to console her. The guilt was eating Felicia alive. She wanted to get rid of it, so badly, but she knew she couldn't. She was disgusted by her own self. She hadn't thought of the consequences she was going to face. All this was caused by one name, a name of whom she learnt to admire and trust for. A name of him who made her feel the utmost pleasure.

Jason.

The name had now started to make her cringe as she heard her father describe Felicia as a person of a weak personality, someone who can easily give in.

That's it, she could no longer take another bite of the food in front of her. She wanted to scream and pull her hair out. She felt as if she was suddenly demoralized, she felt as if she was the villain to her own family. Her hands began to shake as the tears began to cascade her body, once again like they had done earlier. Her mind became cloudy and her sight blurry from the moisture. Her weeping lead to the formation of a lump in her throat. She wanted this to go away. She wished this had never happened.

She wished she had never met him.

Her shaky legs finally rose up, making her way towards her bedroom once again as she bumped into the hard chest of her father. She looked up only to find him, dragging himself away from her before she could even apologize, as if she was some kind of plague he was trying to avoid. But, what's worse was that, in fact, she really was the plague to her own family. She felt like she destroyed the serenity and replaced it with a cunning melancholy. She slammed the door shut and she felt eyes fill with unease, once again.

"No, this can't be real. I must be dreaming. I'm not a monster. I'm not, please." She said to her reflection. Her shoulders were hunched and her costume from yesterday was not yet taken off. The sickness at heart not only made her prone to overthinking, but also to hurting herself. She felt like she was losing herself, all of a sudden. She pinched herself hard as if it will kill her.

But, she wanted it to kill her.

The skin turned red and it became painful every minute, but that didn't stop Felicia from continuing her actions. With the other hand, she pulled out her hair, hard like it will remove her from the disturbing reality of the world. The pain from the action had began to become unbearable and she instantly stopped what she was doing.

She then remembered that her father was going to be checking her phone, which meant he will get to know that she never actually visited Lea, that day. The soon to be arriving conflict did not phase her anymore as she already knew what she had become. Her reflection revealed a girl with messy hair, swollen eyes and damp cheeks. She closed her eyes shut whilst letting the water flow out once again.

She fell to her knees, knowing everything was turned upside down yet she wanted to feel his hug, suddenly, knowing it was the only that was going to comfort her. How can I still think about him when it was because of him my family fell apart? She thought. It's because you're trapped under his spell, she heard a voice in her head say. She couldn't make out between what is right and what is wrong, anymore. At that very instant, she was longing for nothing but, his warmth and the feeling of him.

But, it was too late, the consequences reached her soon than her actions. Only time shall speak, from now on.