Mine

Chapter Nineteen

When I get like this I can't be around you...

Miray stares at him. Joy and terror crashes through her at the same time. Done. What does he mean, done? His hands are warm against her face and she wants to nuzzles into his palm and weep. Yes, be done with it, she prays. Be done with all the lies, all the secrets and take me and take us and let's just be. Let's just be happy and a family and...

She jerks away from him. No. No. She already has a family. Alihan already has the best family she has helped make for him.

Boran closes his eyes and steps back. "Please." The word is soft and broken and his eyes are glistening. "Just this one little thing. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to disrupt his life or anything like that but... but," Boran swallows and his face blooms with color. "Just let me be near him, Miray. Let me see him. Talk to him..."

She weakens and a part of her, distant and quiet, scolds her for wanting to give in to him yet again. Miray is hurt. The pain of his rejection, no matter his reasons, still burns and she can deny him herself, protect herself, but this... She doesn't have the heart to deny him this. Miray takes his hand, his beautiful strong hand that swallows hers easily. He wants to know Alihan, wants him in some part of his life, not as a boy he likes or because he's a part of her, but as a father.

What will Kubilay think, Miray wonders briefly, but pushes the thought away. Alihan will have what she never did. Oh she thinks her father must love her, in his way, she supposes. As much as he can, maybe, but not enough to stay, not enough to want to be a part of her life... Miray squeezes her eyes shut and fights to pull her thoughts away from that path of her thoughts before her eyes can burn, fill and spill.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Boran asks, stepping closer to her and she realizes she has a death grip on his hand. She means to pull away but he wraps an arm her and draws her against him, not with any lustful intention but as a gesture of comfort.

She's not breathing evenly, she notes distantly. She's panting, quick, uneasy puffs that bury in Boran's chest as he strokes her hair with his free hand because she's still holding on to his hand, trapped between them. "I... Okay." Miray says, the word muffled in his chest.

"Okay?" he asks and she feels him tremble against her.

"Alihan... I won't stop you from seeing him as long as you promise you won't say anything to him." She can breathe easier now, breathing in his scent, not pulling away just yet.

"I won't," he assures her quickly and there's a hint of delight in his voice that bring a fresh threat of tears.

"I... I don't think my father loves me..." she admits before she can stop the words from coming out. A sob bursts from her and Boran's arms tighten around her.

"You're wrong," he says. "I know you're wrong. How could he not love you?"

She lets him comfort her. She can breathe more easily but the tears won't stop. "He only stayed married to my mother because of me and my sister and even that wasn't enough to make him stay." She doesn't understand why she's admitting such a thing to him. She's shared so much of herself with him, but not this. Her feelings about her father, her parents marriage, that had always stayed firmly behind a locked door. It was just... it felt so good to be comforted by him and that sweet delight in his voice over her agreement to let him spend time with Alihan had touched something inside of her, loosened it like a key turning.

"Have you talked to him about it? Asked him?" Boran asks. He doesn't pull back but continues to stroke her back as if he knows it will be easier to admit things if she doesn't look at him...Oh, they're still holding hands between their bodies too, Miray notices. It feels nice. So nice and easy. As if they could have this ease between them. Reality is there hovering around the edges and Miray tries to squeeze her eyes shut and hold it off but... no, this can't last. He wants Alihan, not her. He's not trying to claim her. Miray let's go of his hand and pulls away.

She looks up at him and sees something she wishes was disappointment. She can't decipher what it is but thinks it's obviously not that. "I should go. I only came to see you about Alihan and...well, now that's settled."

Boran clears his throat and nods. "Thank you again for that. Let me drive you back to where you're staying? A hotel?"

Miray's body warms and shivers a little at the thought, a throb of arousal moves through her at the idea of taking him back to her room. "No," she replies before she can change her mind. "I'll take a cab back to the hotel." He sees the warning in her eyes. The temptation is too great that they will fall back into bed if he comes back with her.

He nods and Miray pushes away the beat of disappointment. This is the smart thing to do. They cannot ever risk falling back into what they had done. It had almost destroyed her the first time. Still, the disappointment doesn't leave her. As much as he hurt her, Miray knows she's bound to him for the rest of her life by more than just their son. This man owns her soul. That knowledge will just have to go back behind the locked door in her heart again and kept there for all their sakes.

Still she can't risk touching his face and giving him a small smile. She watches his eyes flicker with arousal at her touch and is both relieved and frightened by the temptation that burns through her when he gives her that look. "Thank you for your help just now. I...I don't know what happened."

"I'm glad I could be here for you. I wish..." Boran swallows and keeps back whatever he'd been about to say. "Well, you'll think about what I said? About your father? I don't want to interfere but...I think it would be good for you. For you both," he says with a shrug.

She doesn't see how it will change anything but she smiles to reassure him and then lifts her mouth to his cheek, unable to resist giving in to this one small impulse. She's relieved they're ending this day better than they started and is glad she came to see him. His arm moves around her again and he hugs her, nuzzle against her mouth on his skin and leaning his face into her hair, sending a bolt of heat spiraling through her yet again. She feels him inhale her scent and her body responds instantly growing wet. Nervously, Miray pulls away. "I should... I'm gonna...Okay..." She turns from him and quickly leaves before her heart can pull her back towards him and the fire that still burns between them.