Mine

Chapter Twenty-Two

Give me sweet forgiveness and I think that it might, if not relieve all the pain that I feel, at least help me to sleep tonight.

The filming goes on and on the days where Miray isn't onset with them, Alihan always comes home with stories, funny things he and Boran or the other actors did that day, how much fun he had, if the director said he did a good job.

Kubilay never mentions Boran when he brings Alihan home from a day of filming, but his foul mood informs Miray whether Boran has been onset that day or not. He especially grumbles when Boran has been onset even if he hasn't had to work. He's short with Miray, as if it's her fault Boran is there.

Miray wants to snap at him, wants to throw things at him and scream that Boran has every right to want to see his son whenever he fucking wants! The intensity of her feelings frightens her because she's knows she needs to keep calm, to keep the order of things just as they are so that her family doesn't implode. Still, the urge to scream sometimes lodges in her throat, threatening to burst from her.

Boran asks her if it's okay with her if he's there to watch Alihan when he's not working. Miray is surprised but so moved that he would ask that she can't even dream of denying him. Boran, who is always so careful with how things look to the press, who knows the speculation and rumours will only grow knowing he hangs around onset when he doesn't have to just to watch the little boy, wants to do this and Miray's heart is so full that her eyes fill with tears as she assures him she's okay with it.

On days when she's the one with Alihan, she and Boran always have lunch together, sometimes Alihan's scene schedule works where he can be there with them and it's so easy and wonderful that Miray never wants to leave the happy little bubble of a family they are for those few minutes.

She's going to see her father today. Kubilay hugs her and tells her that if she changes her mind, she only need call him if she needs him. She's grateful. Boran tells her to promise him that she'll stay and listen to what her father has to say and to call him if she needs him. She's grateful.

Miray's heart is in her throat when she pulls up outside her father's house and stops her car. She sits and stares at the lovely little house and feels a sting of resentment at the happy little family that live inside. It's just her father and his wife...that woman...Miray swallows. She promised she would listen and she will. She's never actually been to the house before, having no desire to give any support to this life her father chose over the family he abandoned.

Oh the irony, Miray thinks and starts to laugh, leaning her head against her steering wheel laughter bubbles up inside of her and comes and comes until her stomach actually hurts with it and tears are streaming down her face.

Her father doesn't come out onto his lovely little porch to greet her. She takes the time to collect herself, wiping her eyes, her face. She waits for her heart to stop racing and her breathing to even. Miray has kept that wall between them for so many years and now she feels ready to push past it, or at least listen to the reasons why she should. Miray gets out of the car and makes her way up the pretty driveway and then up the few steps to the door. She exhales and forces herself to knock. The door opens instantly as if he's been waiting right on the other side.

Miray blinks in surprise and for a moment she can't speak. She's come to see this man who has been such a distant figure in her life even though they have always done the father/daughter dance for appearances sake but to whom she has always kept herself closed off from. Now she's here and she can't think of single thing to say.

"Come in, sweetheart. Come in," her father says urgently, moving past and motioning her inside.

The door opens into the living room that is warmly furnished with a soft brown long couch and wide screen tv on the other side. A dark brown loveseat by an unlit fireplace. In the center is a coffee table that reminds her of the one in Boran's apartment. White lace curtains adorn the windows behind the couch. It looks so...inviting and homey.