The Tallest Tree

A Scoop

Evan made his way home after talking to Connor for hours. Their conversations spun through his mind endlessly. He imagined Connor to be this big bad wolf. He wasn't like that, which shocked Evan. He was really just misunderstood. Mostly.

Connor did have sudden outbursts while the two were talking. Evan knew it wasn't his fault though. Or at least he hoped. He could tell that Connor got annoyed when he stuttered so much. Know that he really thought about it, he realized it was probably his fault. Connor made Evan nervous. He wouldn't ever admit this though.

Connor is the closest he's ever had to a friend. Besides Jared, but can you really call Jared a friend? He treats Evan like shit and doesn't even realize it. (I think I'm projecting.... okay back to the gay shit.) Evan just doesn't do anything. He's too scared to be left all alone in the world. He would rather have one fake friend over no people in his life at all. At least Jared is around most of the time. Jared has helped with his panic attacks in the past. Evan thought he was doing it out of pity, so he just apologized. Like he does.

Now Evan has met Connor. They're not quite friends yet, but they're certainly better than whatever Jared is. Evan's excited to have someone closer to a friend. He hoped that they would actually be friends one day. Maybe he would talk to him about it, he thought. 

No I won't. I can't do that.

Evan sat thinking about Connor for maybe twenty minutes when he decided to go to sleep. It was the first decent sleep in three months.

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TRIGGER WARNING

Connor stared at the bandages on his forearms. He wanted to tear them off. Not to finish the job, he just wanted to see the damage he inflicted on himself. The shit Evan had to see.  Connor felt awful about it. Evan subjected himself to his outbursts and depression by coming back. He already subjected himself to his depression, having been the one who found Connor. 

Connor thought about the events of the day. He thought about the  breakdown in the bathroom, the snide remarks from Jared and everyone else, and then when he decided he was going to kill himself.

School was shit for Connor. No one talked to him except to throw insults his way. Connor often fought back, but today he couldn't. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't think about punching them. He had to get home. He had to be alone. He had to die.

Connor couldn't take the pain anymore. He went home, and stared at himself in the mirror. "I can't do this anymore!"

He grabbed a razor and broke it with his foot. He picked up the blade from the floor. Connor knew what he wanted to do. What he had to do. He pulled the razor down to his forearms. For a split second, Connor hesitated. The boy he saved flashed through his mind. He didn't know why, he just thought about him. Maybe it was how lost he looked, or how he almost walked right into oncoming traffic. He did so without even knowing. Or maybe he was trying. 

Connor pushed the boy out of his mind. Not even him could stop him from what he was going to do. "Fuck! I just want to die!"

So he tried to die. He pushed the razor blade into his skin. Connor made ragged, vertical cuts on his wrist. Blood poured out rapidly. He did it again and again until his vision was blurry. He saw the boy outside his window. Then he fell and passed out.

The next thing he knew he was in a hospital. "Where is the guy who found me?" he shouted at the nurse.

"He's been in the waiting room all this time."