Insecure Too (Completed)

13

Yazmine

The amount of food before us was sickening. We had two boxes of pizza, a tray of wings, a plate piled high with brownies, two types of salad, and fries.

"Lemme get a fry," Tasha said nudging me.

I blinked myself out of my food stupor and pushed the fries towards her. "Where's Candy at?"

"Bitch, who knows. Between you and her, I never see my friends these days. With y'all cuffed asses."

Checking my phone I saw that Candy texted me. "She coming."

Tasha was engrossed in flipping through the Netflix selection. "So I gotta ask you, what's up with Trey?"

"I mean he excited, he graduating in a couple days, he about to be on his grown man shit-"

"Yeah, that ain't what I was talking about. That's cool and all, but I noticed he deleted all his pictures of ol girl on ig. So he single?"

Tasha was a whole mess. "Yeah he single single."

"That's all I needed to know." Tasha smirked. She started typing furiously on her phone. I leaned over her shoulder.

"What you doing?"

"Shooting my motherfuckin shot, aha."

"Oh lord." I piled more wings on my plate, rolling my eyes. "You know he in his hoe phase again."

"Bitch good, cuz so am I." Her eyes opened wide. "But girl, I got the tea!"

Normally I would be all ears but I really wasn't in the mood for any drama. Especially if it had anything to do with Devonte and I's relationship. Drama was all fun and games until it was your drama.

Still I had to ask, "What, Tasha? This about what Brian was saying?"

Last time we talked she mentioned him but she ain't get around to what he had said. "Yeah, girl. Brian really tore up you with Devonte. He was saying you never told him that Tae was your ex, and all this shit about how you had him out here looking stupid. And that you prob was cheating on him with Tae. And this nigga said Tae can't even rap."

Fuck. I actually did feel bad about that because most of it was true. I mean I never cheated on him with Devonte-Devonte and I weren't even speaking when I was with Brian-but the fact that I ain't tell him about Tae made it look like I had been hiding something.

A knock at the door signaled Candy's arrival. I ain't move, allowing Tasha to let her in. She came in grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Somebody's happy," Tasha noted. Candy just laughed and gave me a hug.

It felt good to be with my girls again, spilling tea, Netflixing, sheltered from the constant criticism of social media and the scrutiny of the public.

I needed this. I needed to be in the company of positive females I could trust and I could count on. So, I ignored the feeling that there was unfinished business between Brian and I. It could wait.
****

I found myself in front of a familiar dorm door, and waiting for him to answer my knock was nauseating. But finally, he did. Brian opened the door wearing only a pair of basketball shorts, and they were familiar to me because I had worn them on hundreds of occasions. Seeing him there, in those shorts, didn't make me miss him or us. It just made me feel worse.

"The fuck you doing here, Yazmine?"

When he finally rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he wasn't happy to see me.

"I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

He wasn't going to make it easy on me. "Well shit, lets start with how I don't appreciate you spreading rumors about me being a fucking cheater."

He had the nerve to look guilty. "Look, I ain't start no rumor, aight? Bitches don't know how to keep they mouths shut."

My instinct was correct. "So you told her? What was it, some pillow talk? That turned into the conspiracy that Yazmine is a dirty cheater?"

"Who is her?"

"That girl that you been, shit I don't know what y'all be doing."

"Man, that ain't none of your business Yazmine. I'm sorry if some shit I told a friend in confidence got out though. Aight? We done?"

"Nah we not done." I exhaled. "I'm sorry too, aight? I ain't tell you about Devonte because I was afraid...you would see that I wasn't over him yet when we started dating. I was selfish, and I didn't wanna lose what we had. When I met Tae, I was a different person back then Brian. I ain't have any self worth, I ain't see shit in myself." My throat closed up, but I had to get the words out. "So yeah, me and him dated, and I fell in love with him and I pushed him away. Then I met you. And I tried so hard to love you but dammit Brian I already was in love. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I was. I never cheated on you though, and I need you to know that...maybe I did huh? Because the whole time I was with you, he was in my heart. And this ain't gonna fix shit but I need to tell you I'm sorry for that. Because I am."

To my surprise, Brian had a half smile on his face. "Damn."

"What?"

"I never had a chance, huh?"

I had to laugh at that.

"You was already wrapped up in that nigga. Look, you ain't have to tell me all that...I never really believed you cheated on me, I just said it in a moment of anger. I just felt, I don't know, played. Like there was this big secret I ain't know but everybody else did. Like I saw him and I told him how much you loved him not knowing how much you loved him. That's fucked up."

"Yeah."

"Shit I just want you to be happy though. And you been looking happy. So stop apologizing, and go be with your nigga."
He smirked. "Even though he can't rap for shit."

"Don't hate," I chuckled. "My baby went platinum with no features."

"Unless you dating J Cole, I think nah."

"Shut up!"

"Man come here." Bending down, Brian gave me a quick hug. "Now get the fuck out my hallway Yazmine Carter."

I walked away from the dorm room with a light heart. Because Brian was right, I found my happy. I hoped one day, he would find his.

I know it's short. Face Claims soon come. Haven't been really reading as much on here. I don't think I can read romances no more😔