Again | g.d

Part Eight

I was drowning in Grayson Dolan.

Pressed up against the wall, I was drowning in the feeling of his hair between my fingers. I was drowning in the touch of his hands against my skin - one on my cheek and the other gripping my waist underneath my shirt as he tugged me as close to him as I could get. I was drowning in the taste and feel of his lips against mine as he kissed me hungrily.

Most of all, I was drowning in how much I missed this, how much I wanted this, and how badly I needed this. Despite the thought in the back of my head, screaming at me to stop, I never wanted this to end.

But it does. It comes to a screeching halt when Avery's footsteps are heard coming down the steps - probably in search of me.

Her voice is enough to make me realize just exactly what I am doing - and how wrong it is. A rush of guilt surges through my body and immediately I jerk away from Grayson.

We both look at each other in shock, unable to push out any words.

I watch as Grayson brushes his fingers over his lips and he realizes what we've just done - his eyes widening as Avery enters the kitchen.

It's dead silent for the first few seconds. Grayson turns his back to the both of us and heads over to the glass of water he poured from earlier - before we ruined everything.

I stay against the wall, refusing to look at Avery. I can't. And I know it's because I fucked up.

Avery chuckles. "Everything okay?" She asks me.

I look up slowly, feeling horrible when we lock eyes. I rack my brain for an excuse - for any reason to reassure her. "Um, I - I just got off the phone with - with Jack." I tell her, my voice wavering.

"What happened?" She asked me concernedly. "You look... I don't know, off."

For a split second, I catch Grayson's eyes from behind Avery. He shakes his head, silently communicating to me to deny all claims that something is off. I was going to do that, anyway.

"Nope - just the usual," I lie, trying to put a smile of my face and change my expression. "Trying to figure out date night, you know how it is." I chuckled nervously.

Avery's face lit up, and immediately I knew I had said the wrong thing - or rather, I had come up with the wrong lie.

"Wait, that's perfect!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "You two can join me and Grayson!"

"No, it's alright," I said quickly. "wouldn't want to intrude or anything."

Avery slaps my shoulder. "Shut up, you know you will never intrude on anything, Anna." She says sincerely, making me feel even worse. "We can finally have a cute little double date! Oh, my God, remember we would talk about it all the time in Highschool?"

I nodded slowly, at a loss for words. "Mmhm." I drag out.

She turns to look at Grayson, who also forces a smile on his face the moment she turns around. "Baby, you don't mind, do you?"

"No," he coughs out. "Not at all."

Avery squeals. "Great!" She turns back around to face me, grabbing my hands. "We go to this adorable restaurant every Friday night, you're going to absolutely love it." She said excitedly.

I probably would. But there was no way now that I felt absolutely like shit.

Before I can respond Avery perks straight up. "Shoot, it's been ten minutes, I need to take this face mask off." She sings, heading out of the room - stopping when she realizes I'm not right behind her. "Anna, you coming?"

I nod. "I'll be right up, I'm just gonna grab something to drink, first."

"Okay." She smiles, before heading back up the steps.

As soon as she disappears thick tension fills the room. I have never felt this uncomfortable around Grayson. Not when we were breaking up, not when I saw him again, and not even at the bridal shop or after it.

"Why would you do that?" I whisper to him painfully.

I try to ignore how I already miss the comforting feeling of his lips on mine. I try to not think about how turned on our make out has left me.

"Shit, Sav, I'm sorry-"

"Oh my God," I mumble to myself, pushing the hair out of my face as another wave of realization hits me. "I can't believe that we just..." I trail off, not wanting to say it.

"I don't know why I did that," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to k-"

"Do not finish that sentence, Grayson." I say pointedly.

He shuts his mouth immediately, nodding in understanding.

"What now, Sav?"

I sighed. There were so many answers to that question, let alone so many things that question could mean.

If Avery ever finds out, it would break her beyond repair. But there's no going back - and that's the worst part. The only thing I can do is keep it from happening ever again.

"We made a huge mistake, Gray." I look away from Grayson, already knowing the effect my words will have on him. "We never talk about it, again."

"Yeah... it was a mistake." He repeats me slowly. But I can tell by the tone of his voice, he's lying. I know he doesn't truly think that.

I hate how I don't feel that way, either.

"And we need to stay away from each other," I speak up again. "Like, you have to leave me alone, Gray. And I'll do the same for you." I stress.

"What?" he pushes out - his voice laced with defeat.

"It's not hard, Grayson," I roll my eyes. "You did it once, you can do it again."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to, Savannah. And I don't want to, now. I can't just-" he took a deep breath. "I don't want to stay away from you."

I let his words have a deeper effect on me then they should. The truth is, I don't want to stay away from him, either - the fact that I kissed him back is enough to prove that.

"Well you have to." I say so quietly, he probably barely catches it.

Without another word between us, I push off of the wall, grab my phone off of the counter, and walk out of the kitchen.

As I head back to Avery's room, I can only pray that this will be the last time anything happens between me and Gray - though deep down, I'm not sure I want it to be.

And that makes me hate myself even more.