Pretending [YOONKOOK]

5 : Asleep

After a while of staying with Yoongi, Jungkook can't manage to talk to the older that much. Mostly his routine will be where he just trying to help by waking Yoongi up for classes that most of them he didn't even attend to.

Yoongi was in the same class as Jungkook but he was slightly older than him by two years so that makes him 22. Although curious why the older start university later than when he supposed to, Jungkook never found an answer for it. He is curious but if knowing too much about Yoongi will make him obsessed on the letter he got, he doesn't even want to see him by this point.

He was glad that Yoongi didn't bother to talk to him either. It looks like the older also feel more comfortable living in total silence.

Jungkook thought that help him a bit, at the very least.

Jimin and Taehyung are also becoming close to him. Although he tried as well to avoid them just because their name stated in the letter, it's harder because they are unavoidable. Always pulling and pushing him to places. At first, it annoyed him, he doesn't want to be close to people till that point.

But as soon as time goes, he starts to feel comfortable around them. He still has his guard up, but maybe for these two boys, he can give the privileged.

Living in university nowadays just tiring even more after Yoongi's appear to the class. Jungkook was surprised to see how quiet and cold his stare was at class. He never sees he talk to anyone. He even stays silent when the professor asked questions. Until most of the professor just kinda ignoring his existence.

It bothers Jungkook honestly really. Having Yoongi as his roommate and almost the whole university kids know about it.

Sometimes people just directly make fun of him and comparing about how similar his weirdness to Yoongi. It's not what they said that bother him that much, it is how much attention he had been receiving recently. He doesn't like attention. Don't even say about negative attention.

There was this one accident when Yoongi talk to him just because he wants to give him his jacket. Yoongi notice Jungkook was leaving the dorm with thin clothes as careless as he can be. The older thought maybe it would be a good chance for him to repay the gratitude when Jungkook take care of him when he was sick.

But things turn the other way around.

"Hyung, I..i appreciate you for being thoughtful. But next time please don't talk to me in class or anywhere in public? I really don't like being the center of attention." Jungkook said after he successfully pulling the older to the corner rushingly after he just taps Jungkook's shoulder in the middle of so many people during lunch times.

Yoongi didn't really realize how much attention he had been getting honestly. Because most of the times, when he walk he just stare at the ground and he can't listen to stuff said around him as he had his earphone all the times.

"I'm sorry I won't talk to you again. Just make sure to wear warm clothes so you don't get sick." Yoongi said expressionlessly before turning away and walk away from the corner leaving Jungkook alone.

Jungkook feels something in his heart, a tug. It's asking himself for thousands of time, is what he is doing is right?

Yoongi on the other side has a mix of feelings. He is not dumb. He knows Jungkook is super uncomfortable around him and for some reasons he even thought that the younger actually hates him. But well, who doesn't? Even his own father did and abandoned him and his mother.

Yoongi shouldn't expect anyone would really stay and be his real friends. He doesn't even trust Jin who he had been knowing for a while. He has this kind of believe that everyone had their own limits. And as selfish as he can sound, Yoongi knows he is annoying, very hard to handle and complicated.

He is the definition of war.

If anyone ever gets close to him, it's either they leave or die in the end.

His heart throbbing painfully in his chest at the thought of someone dying because of his fault.

He never want to digest the facts that he might had killed anyone because of his complicated personality.

So, usually when people tried to get close to him, Yoongi would do everything he could to hurt them so bad that they will leave him and stay away as far as they can.

Yoongi just want them to leave him without regret.

What hurts more? Force to leave someone when you really need and love them to be there by your side, or, losing someone that hurt you so bad that you just started to hate them.

Of course the second one.

It's easier to leave and be happy after you leave someone when all they ever did to you was putting you in a lot of pain.

That is what nobody knows about Yoongi behaviors.

He was cautious about how he interacts with people. He won't let anyone get close to him, he won't let anyone have pity on him, he won't let people get attached to him, he won't let people depend on him.

That's why now his life was lonely.

Yoongi was rejecting everyone who was approaching him because he believes, anyone who got close to him will end up getting destroyed.

Jungkook was no exception. At first, Yoongi was intimidated about living with him. He knows at some point they will become really close since they are living together and saw each other every hour.

But after seeing how introvert he really was, Yoongi was more than grateful. 

For the most, Yoongi really doesn't want to purposely hurt people just for them to hate and leave him anymore. He had enough on what happened back in Daegu with all the friends he used to have.

Honestly, he had been thinking a lot more about escaping this life. 

He didn't really talk to anyone as he don't really think it does matter as he have them so frequently and more he have nobody to talk about it.

He was scared that Jungkook might realize something is wrong with him, but after having no attention given by the youngest and Jungkook is so good minding his own business,Yoongi let his guard down and was brave enough to hurt himself in the bathroom of their shared room as he know Jungkook won't bother to just walk in.

TO BE CONTINUE.

It's getting darker, isn't it? I'm sorry if this was depressing. What Yoongi believe is what my belief is honestly. My meeting with the psychologist kinda makes me scared of what is happening to myself. She said I'm having withdrawal symptoms where I refuse to talk and communicate with people in real life. I was starting to have anxiety and feel really uncomfortable to talk to anyone. It was a serious issue for her because she can see my difference from back then when I start the treatment and even my mother said I used to be an extrovert and mood maker. Nobody not even myself know why this symptom is happening to me. If this keeps going, she said I might develop social anxiety. 

The worst part of this all, I don't really care on what's happening to me honestly. I don't know myself and now I'm not bothering to figure out who am I. Probably something useless similar to trash anyway.

So, sorry for the rant. Don't mind it. Just love yourself and remember I love you <3

PS : Do you wanna hear me singing? I mean Ivm thinking of starting to post songs cover in my Youtube channel since I really love to sing but I'm scared I sound like a dying whale so.... What you think?