My Home is Where You Are: A Maedhros/OC Fanfiction

Chapter 18: That Little Glimmer

Lilótëa followed behind Turvo and Elenwë on her horse as they led the way through the narrow passage that winded through Oromë's woods. They were going through the same trail she always took when meeting with Nelyo, and every step of her horse's hooves took her back to their past memories.

It may have been the first day of their week-long journey nearly done, but the arrival at Nolofinwë's could not come sooner, and Lilótëa was unsure why. Perhaps it was because she continually compared herself and Nelyo to Turvo and Elenwë. A change of company would hopefully alter these thoughts. Perhaps it was because she wished to pen the final stanza of her nearly finished poem dedicated to Nelyo. Sometimes candlelight and a desk ended up being the best writing environment during the night. Although this poem was her main focus, Lilótëa had brought a second one, which she'd recite at the House of Nolofinwë. The familiar trees inspired her senses, and she was glad she could write a little before rest.

It did not take long before they arrived at her favourite open field. Inevitably, Lilótëa thought of the days when she and Nelyo were first getting to know each other. It was the second time they met, and she had awakened to a large elk, staring her down. Yet her fear was calmed through Nelyo's presence; it dissipated so easily when she realized he had been there with her.

It won't hurt you, so long as you introduce yourself with ease and gentleness. Those were the words he once said, and Lilótëa still smiled whenever the memory whispered in her mind.

Nelyo was right; the creature had been a friend. But unfortunately, ease and gentleness was not as effective when introducing herself to those of her own kind. The method never makes enemies with other Eldar, but in her experience, she was forgotten after the introduction. If she were to meet Nelyo's brothers, how would they react to her? What of Fëanáro and Nerdanel?

Lilótëa sighed and shook her head. It was useless to ponder on something that wouldn't come to fruition.

They all agreed to settle there for the night. Thankfully, there was no need to build a fire; they wouldn't be able to, anyway. The long, grassy blades would eventually catch in the flames, and smoke would begin to rise. The fire would spread, until the field is burnt and red. The trees would feel a searing pain, the forest ablaze, the birds gone and fled.

* * *

After they had eaten, dusk had settled in the sky. Turvo and Elenwë were sitting on their blankets, quietly talking as they pointed out the constellations. Lilótëa had wandered into middle of the field as she read her unfinished poem out loud, trying to decide what she could fix or elaborate on.

"I wish you to know my love, but subtly, subtly is the key, dear..."

A hard lump began to form in her throat; she had begun thinking of Nelyo again, only this time the poem made her regret her silent nature. Not only regret, but hate it. Why! Why could she not just spit out her feelings?! This poem would be the farthest she could go in love. Her heart and mind kept telling her she could love no one else. He was the one who had noticed her in a large crowd, the one who never forgot about her. The one she felt comfortable with, and even made her feel more confident... to an extent. She couldn't even bring herself to share this poem with Nolofinwë's family, and if she was being honest, confessing to others was what she wanted. But, logic still wins. She best keep her love locked away, lest someone criticize them, of all people, a Vanya with a Fëanorian...

Elenwë approached her, right as the tears began to leak from her eyes. Lilótëa had almost forgotten to hide the poem from her. No, she did not even want her sister to know about it; her sister, the only soul who had known her feelings. This poem, was something that could only belong to her.

"Lilótëa, is something wrong?"

The elder sister took a breath. "It's Nelyo. I... I want to tell him, but what would be the use? It's better if we stay friends and hide our friendship. For if I do tell-- and if, that is, he accepts me-- there would be a greater risk with keeping ourselves hidden-- our bond would only continue to grow and eventually, we would not be able to keep such a discreet relationship."

"You keep saying this is for the best," Elenwë put a hand on Lilótëa's shoulder, "but the state you're in may only hurt you more if you don't tell. Let me tell you this: I care deeply for Turvo, you know that. I'm not afraid to confess one day, because I he's my friend. Whether he returns my feelings or not, he won't hate me for loving him. How could he? The same goes for Nelyo. If he finds out, how could he hate you?"

"But it's alright if you court Turvo." Lilótëa was surprised to hear her voice come out as a miserable retort. "He's a son of Nolofinwë. But Fëanaro... he would look at me with such distaste, and perhaps even to his own son. How could I do such a thing to Nelyo? I could not."

Elenwë linked her arm with Lilótëa's. "If Turvo doesn't confess to you," Lilótëa began after a moment of silence, "why should you wait longer? What have you got to lose when even our parents treasure Nolofinwë's and Anairë's friendship?"

"But nésa,* what of you? Let me return the advice. If I can confess, why not you? We do not always see the future, but what stops us from walking on the path... towards that dim little glimmer?" She pointed upwards, where a single star shone from far away. "You see it? It's hope. And when we love someone, that little glimmer is all we've got."

After Elenwë left, Lilótëa closed her eyes, bowed her head. All she could manage to do was hold her poem close.

* * *

They walked through the streets of Tirion. Citizens bowed to Turvo, and some even bowed to Lilótëa and Elenwë. It gave a nice, warm feeling, and it welcomed her even more as she approached the grand mansion of House Nolofinwë.

Their horses turned off the cobble-stoned road and went across the marble bridge that led to the mansion, a river running below their feet.

At the door, Nolofinwë stood in a red robe with Anairë beside him, wearing white jewels in her hair that gleamed in the light. The travelers dismounted, and once again, Lilótëa was struck with Nolofinwë's natural grace as he gestured towards them.

"Welcome back, dear friends," he said. "Please, come in and make yourselves at home."

* * *

nésa- sister

A/N: Hi. I couldn't decide what assignment to work on so I worked on this XD