Rosé: When You're Gone

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I always needed time on my own

You heard Chaeyoung's sweet voice fill your dark room a few seconds after you pressed the play button.

I never thought i'd need you there when i cried

It was a video of Chaeyoung singing in her room, a few months back, before you two seperated.

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

Your mind went back to the time when Chaeyoung worked hard on cooking dinner for you. You knew she had been studying the recipe for days, you even went grocery shopping with her, to buy all the ingredients, but all you said that night after coming back home was, "Sorry Chaeng, i'm not really hungry". You didn't notice her sadness when she said that it was okay. You didn't notice her crying as she ate dinner alone. You didn't notice how hurt she was.

And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

You haven't had the chance to listen to this video of her singing, which she sent to you because you didn't think that it was important. And you hadn't thought so until now, until regret was all you knew. And little did you know then that it held her true feelings that she had been bottling up for months.

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

She closed her eyes as she pressed the piano keys and sang. You cried harder as you felt your heart tear itself into pieces and saw a tear slowly roll down her soft cheek. You hated yourself, you cursed yourself to die.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you

"Why?" Was all you could ask yourself as you saw her cry. Why did you do it?

When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

Your mind circled back to when she called you on tour, in the midst of her busy schedule, just to check up on you. She had facetimed you with a sweet, innocent smile on her face and you ended up making her cry. You were too busy playing video games with your friends that you didn't bother asking how she was doing. You didn't even cared to. You ignored her questions for most of the call and the worst part was, you didn't feel remorse at all. You definitely didn't deserve her.

When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK

You hit yourself when you realised how terribly you had treated her, an angel. You did not stop. You couldn't.

I miss you

The words that she had always said to you through the phone, even through arguments, yet you don't remember ever saying it back to her. It felt so, so heartbreaking to hear those three words now, as she sang it.

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you

Another flashback came to mind, it was when she had asked to see you for an hour or two since you haven't seen each other for almost two weeks. Yet you turned her down again, saying you already had plans, that you were busy, and that you were too lazy. She had tried everything in her power to see you, yet, you still ended up in a huge fight. Since then, she hadn't put in any effort to see you anymore, you realised that it was the beginning of the end. And it was all your fault.

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,

You missed her, that was the truth. You missed how much she cared for you, and now, you don't even care about yourself anymore. You missed how she held you, in both arms, and you couldn't get enough of how much affection she gave you. The passion in her kisses, you could never find anyone as passionate as her. But it was the small moments whenever you two just sat or layed down together, talking about anything and everything, was what you missed the most. Her just being there for you, and you took it for granted. Congratulations.

I love the things that you do

You did love the things that she did for you. How she sang for you and was there to take care of you whenever you got sick. She got so worried even when you assured her that it was just a normal cold. And you hated yourself for not doing the same, for not caring as much when she got sick from not resisting to kiss you before.

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah

You cried harder, and this time, your mind went back to when you brought her out to go shopping. You remembered how she looked so happy and cheerful walking around with you. You remembered promising yourself not to break this adorable girl's heart. You remember it all now.

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul

And when she saw a beautiful blue dress displayed in the shop, you swore you saw her eyes sparkle a little. She was in love with the dress, despite the simplicity. She dragged you in with her to try it on, but her smile disappeared as quickly as it had come when they didn't have her size. You knew she was sad but still managed to keep that smile on her face for the rest of the day. You would make it up to her, you promised yourself.

I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Your mind went back to that cold October night, when everything went crashing, your heart included. You had just bought the blue dress that she wanted, using all your savings for the past few months, and you planned on surprising her with it. As you sat in the front seats of your car(clichè alert), eating McDonalds, you were just about to excuse yourself to grab the dress from the trunk, not in a million years would you expect the words that came out of her mouth.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you

"Y/N, let's break up" She had said, not meeting your eyes. She had them looking out front, at nothing in particular.

When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

You let go of the car handle, dropped your hands and looked at her. "Wha.. What?"

"I want to break up with you, Y/N" She replied, her mind somewhere distant.

"Why?" Your hands in your lap caught the free-falling tears.

"You.. This.. isn't working anymore. I wish we could've made it. I'm so sorry Y/N" She opened the door, stepped out and walked towards the direction of her house, since you only parked a few blocks away.

When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

Everything in your body, every cell, screamed at you to go, run to her, and fix everything, but it was that tiny feeling in your heart that told you it wasn't worth it anymore. That it's useless, that she was gone for good. And your worst regret now was for listening to it.

And make it OK

When you turned your car around, tears falling uncontrollably, you only managed to wish her good luck in her life. Only managed to hope she finds someone who could treat her better. Only managed to wish you had treated her much better. Only managed to purchase the dress, just to throw it out on the sidewalk. Only managed to regret everything.

I miss you

~~~~~
Damn this sucked. But whatever school is legit attacking my brain rn and food is like my shield against it. Once again, i hate self-promoting but whatver, i have a Twice x Reader book out and i appreciate it if you'd give it a read, or not. Thanks!

Sincerely, Author N

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