Deep Breath | G.Dolan

Goodbye?

"I'm excited for today," I said. "It's a beautiful day, the birds are chirping, I feel like everyone's just happy, don't you?" I was talking to a room filled with people that were all half asleep. "And that's what you get for staying up all night." I remembered us all tweeting at one another back and fourth at 3am and sat down next to Ethan who was asleep over the armrest of the couch. We were in the dressing room in crappy ol' Illinois.  The birds were chirping but they also probably have syphilis... I make Illinois sound so much worse than it actually is. I was bored so I tied Ethan's shoes together and threw little paper balls at Bryant. This is boring. I need to get their attention. "I thought I told you guys my friend is coming to the show tonight right?" They all suddenly sat up. Thought so.

"Well what's her name?"Ethan asked.

"Is she hot?" Grayson said immediately after.

"Her name is Kayla and yes she's pretty." Grayson's eyes lit up.

"Good. I need to be around a girl for once," Bryant said.

"Thank you," I said sarcastically and texted her. He nudged me and smiled. Oh you nudged me? I forgive you for calling me an ape...well a man but same thing, that's what he meant.

"Do you have a picture?" Grayson said walking over by me and sitting on the arm of the couch. I made a face at him and pulled up my Facebook. Bryant sat up and leaned to look at my phone too. I found a picture and showed them. "Well she's got nice—" he was making the notion of boobs with his hands and his chest.

"Eyes," Bryant finished the sentence and laughed.

"Do you want to see her eyes, E?" Grayson said laughing.

"You're a pig Gray," he said. "But yes."

Let me explain something about Kayla...oh Kayla that little ball of excitement. She is five feet of pure evil...well not evil but she's like me. She lacks a soul and I admire that in a person. BUT she is quite possibly the most flirtatious person I have ever met...not in a promiscuous way but she makes friends with literally everyone she comes into contact with. She could become BFF's with the crazy lady who feeds the birds in the park if she wanted to. I call her "The USA" because like the United States she moves in and conquers whether you like it or not. So of course I warned the guys of it and finished it with,

"So don't let her get her freedom jizz all in your hair." They looked disgusted. But they also looked like they got the point. Effective.

"Speaking of, how tall is she?" Grayson asked.

"Like 5'1," I responded looking up at him.

"Convenient," was all he said.

"Grayson!" I yelled and pushed him off the arm. He fell onto the floor. I looked over and he was looking up laughing.

"I'm kidding!" No he's not. "No I'm not." I just shook my head and laughed.

Later on we were sitting in the tour bus. I was on my phone, Bryant was on his laptop, Mike was sleeping and Ethan and Grayson were watching TV. 

"I want another tattoo," Grayson said out of nowhere.

"Well that's a surprise," I said sarcastically. He gave me a look. "What do you want this time? A penguin? A dotted line? The word 'zipper'? Oh that's deep shit."

"Or maybe you can finally get a bird to Putin the cage," Ethan joined in.

 "No," he said getting defensive, "I just want something."

Half an hour later there was a tattoo artist sitting in the tour bus with us. Just like that, "Oh hey I want a tattoo" and he gets a tattoo artist...I wonder what would happen if he were to say "Oh hey I want a stripper and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos to sprinkle on her"...what Grayson wants, Grayson gets.