Deep Breath | G.Dolan

New york

"I'm going to the diner before class. Maybe I'll actually be able to get something done," I told my roommate as I grabbed my scarf and freshman psychology book.

"Good luck. It's freezing outside by the way. It's December, you're going to need more than a scarf," she said as I was leaving.

"Alright mum!" I grabbed my jacket because I knew she was right and closed the door. I made my way through Columbus circle and into my favourite café. I sat by myself like a loser and ordered a hit chocolate like a seven year old. I started to open my textbook and just happened to look up. I looked back down quickly and then back up again. "What the hell is happening right now?" I whispered to myself. I was dying on the inside and trying not to show it on the outside. Across the café sat four amazing specimens m. I observed them in their natural habitat and narrated in my head as if they were on Animal Planet.

"Here's your hot chocolate, Miss. Would you like anything else?" I jumped back into reality and almost out of my seat.

"Yes, an air tank because I can't breathe." She looked in the direction I was looking in and smiled. "Don't make it so obvious!" She made a face at me and walked away. She obviously doesn't understand the plight of a woman on the verge of a mental breakdown. Possibly a sexual awakening.

I kept reading but every time I did I looked up again with my head and my heart racing a mile a minute. All I kept thinking was "Grayson, Ethan, Bryant and Mike (their cameraman) are sitting three meters from me. 

How's my hair? I forgot to wear make up! I forgot to put an effort into my existence! I forgot to wear underwear!" Well, I didn't but even if I did in this situation it wouldn't be much of a bad thing. I half smiled to myself and raised my eyebrows at my book.

I have to look up one more time just one more time, I thought to myself. No, stop it...stop it...stop it! Alright just once. I looked up slightly and he was staring back. Holy shit retreat! Retreat! I looked back down quickly but couldn't help but smile a little. I just made eye contact with Grayson Dolan, the man of my dreams, the potential ice cream to my sundae, the pussy to my cat. I must look again. I looked up once more and he wasn't this time...maybe I just had something in my teeth. My heart fluttered when he looked up again and this time smiled. I wonder if he knows that he's melting my clothes off or if he is genuinely interested in seeing how long it takes me to rip my shirt open. For the record, if we weren't in a public place the answer to that question would be approximately 32.9 seconds. The extra 2.9 seconds because I am obviously not a whore.

All right I have to do something other than just pretend to read this book. It will start to look suspicious. I sipped my hot chocolate and looked down at my book when I saw some whipped cream on my nose. I was looking at it for a while before I realized my eyes have been crossed for a good minute. I dizzily looked up at their table again and both the twins were looking. Possibly wondering if they should call security. I wiped off the cream with my hand and licked it off like any classy lady would in my situation.

After ten minutes of fantasizing about all the dirty ways my breakfast could go I remembered I actually had to read for class. I picked up my pen but as I looked away from the book to get it, I noticed Grayson stand up. I can't breathe. He began walking towards my table without making eye contact. He probably has to pee. Even famous people pee right? Man you don't know how much I would pay to watch him—

He made eye contact. Breathe in. And out. And in. And...those are the basics you can survive for a few more minutes without my help, right? He stopped walking in front of my table. My throat constricted. Wrong, I guess. I slowly raised my head and looked back at him. This poor boy. I probably looked like a deer in head lights.

"Hello," he said with his deep perfectly perfect voice.

"Hi," I said back shortly. I needed to keep it short so he didn't hear my voice trembling.

"I couldn't help but notice you from over there. You are quite the entertainment." Entertainment like a sitcom or entertainment like a stripper? I would be fine with both.

"Yeah, I get distracted when I study." What the hell are you saying to him? He doesn't care you stupid bitch.

"I could see that." He smiled...RIP OFF YOUR SHIRT AND DO ME. "So, I'm Grayson and what is your name?" I'm nauseous. 

"Ciara," I said back softly and smiled trying not to look like too much of a reject.

"Ciara," He let it sit there in his mouth. "That's my twin brother Ethan, and our friends Bryant and Mike." he stuttered out like he was nervous.

"Oh it's okay I know." ...I know?I KNOW?! You are one hopeless piece of shit, do you know that? I closed my eyes and scrunched my face and he smiled. "I didn't mean that like 'I stalk you and I know the name of all your friends and family' I meant it like 'I know because I watch your videos. "Well that's not much better now is it?" I said sarcastically. What if I just scared him off because now he knows I'm a fan?

"You're funny. Where is it that you go to school?"

"A university right down the block."

"Why don't you come join my friends and I? Maybe if you read your book next to us, people will think we're smart too." The waitress came with the check and he sat down very swiftly and coolly.

"I would honestly love to, you have no idea, but I really have to go to class." He looked a little upset...did I just make him upset? Good, now he knows how it feels. Does he know how many times I've looked at Tumblr and been distraught over his perfection? No he does not. And thank God for that, you complete dork.

"Well then, I'll just take this," he said grabbing my check. I reached for it and grabbed it back.

"No thank you, I've got it." I said taking out my change purse. He grabbed it back.

"Oh c'mon. It's only one croissant and...a hot chocolate." He looked at it approvingly. "And here I was thinking you were sophisticated." I went to put the tip on the table and noticed the check was gone.

"Where did you put my check?"

"I really don't know what you are talking about," he said smiling, batting his eyelashes. He looked at the non-existent watch on his wrist. "You're going to be late for class. You should go."

"I don't care if your security guard tackles me to the ground when I say this. I'm going to kill you if I'm late to class." I was joking but I really did look both ways to make sure that someone wasn't about to body slam me.

"You won't be late if you leave," he looked once again at his empty wrist, "now." I really was going to be late to class if I didn't leave.

"Fine but I'll pay you back. One day you'll be on stage doing your thing and an envelope with eleven dollars and thirty-seven cents is going to come flying your way. You just wait."

"Don't forget the three dollar tip!" he said as I collected my things and began walking to the door. I looked back and he was still watching me so I smiled and mouthed "thank you". He nodded his head and smiled.

As I walked through the streets of New York all I could think was, What the actual fuck just happened?