Deep Breath | G.Dolan

Where We Began

Down to the first floor, through the tiny hallway, a quick "good morning" to the guard on duty behind the desk and out the door into the absolutely freezing New York air. I fixed my scarf so that it didn't feel like a noose around my neck. Say hello to the people I know standing outside smoking, zip up my jacket so that one stoner stops staring at my boobs and continue walking down West 60th. The flashing red hand it challenging me so I sprint across the street before the light turns green and all the taxis run me over with pleasure. Starbucks? Nah too commercial for me. I had a better place in mind.

Through Columbus Circle, past the Time Warner building, looking at the trees of Central park and the sky scrapers that surrounded it. No thank you Mr. homeless man I do not want your fruit snacks. I almost skipped through the streets waiting to get into the warmth of the café. I finally got there and opened the glass door, hearing the bells jingle. The waitress told me to sit where I pleased. So I chose the little familiar table in the corner. I looked over to the table across from me where 4 immature high school boys sat, throwing sugar packets at each other.

"Well that's not going to get you laid anytime soon," I said under my breath. I took out my book and started to read. The waitress finally came over.

"Hello, can I get you anything today?" An air tank because you can't breathe?

"I'll just have a croissant...and a hot chocolate. Lots of whipped cream." She smiled and nodded, taking the small menu from me.

Today's the day you see Grayson for the first time since you rejected his marriage proposal and confessed your love for each other. How does that feel? Well it's actually tomorrow that I see him but they're flying in tonight at about 11pm. I had papers to write and I couldn't exactly hang out that late. I hadn't spoken to him since then. I didn't really talk about it with any of the others. It was just something we left unsaid. I mean it's kind of a conversation downer... "Oh hey remember when Grayson asked you to marry him?... oh no no wait it gets better, remember when you said no after telling him you loved him? Ahh good times."

I spaced out reading my book and pointed out in every way possible what a shitty human being I was. So it was a normal Tuesday. Oh yeah and the fact that he wrote "I love you" on the back of the picture he gave me and I drew stick figures on the back of the one I gave him. Yup it is as bad as it sounds. Two stick figures of him and me. THEY WERE'NT EVEN HOLDING HANDS. THE LEAST I COULD HAVE DONE WAS MAKE THEM HOLD HANDS.

Not to mention, it doesn't help that I go on Tumblr 24/7 and all the pictures of him the past two weeks have been hot as hell. Talk about frustration. I actually threw my phone across the room because he was wearing a tight black T-shirt. So it was fangirl emotions mixed with real emotions, mixed with tacos. Sounds like a great combination until you get hot sauce on your computer screen spewed from your mouth.

Hmm let's think I'm sure there's something else you can torture yourself with. Just think really hard...oh yeah. That night.

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We got back from hanging out at Ethan's place the day before New Years Eve. I was blogging like a fiend because I hadn't been on in over three days and needed to catch up. I was sitting under the covers of my bed with my hair in a bun, wearing my glasses, and only the table lamp lit. The moon was shining through the windows and I was struggling not to fall asleep even though it was only 9. I was about to close my laptop when I got a text message.

Come in here pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease :)

I was just about to go to sleep...