Forever and Ever // Lams

Doughnut Date

HAMILTONS POV

"You ready for the donut shop, babe?" Said Jefferson with a cocky smile.

"Mhm," I replied. No one ever called me babe seriously, not even Jo-. I needed to stop thinking about Laurens every time I was with Jefferson.

We made our way to the donut shop and I was "happy." I should be happy, Jefferson was almost perfect. He was strong, somewhat nice, loving, and he had perfect, poofy hair. But he wasn't a John Laurens.

Pushing John out of my mind was hard so I stopped trying. But it was so pointless to even think of John. When we first met, I fell in love and I at least had a chance with him back then. The difference now is that I'm still in love with him, but that chance is gone.

I looked over and Jefferson was looking at me weird.

"Do you need to fart? Your face looks weird right now." He said.

Huh, he's not even somewhat nice I guess. That comment made me remember why I had hated him before.

As we walked into the donut shop I saw a little boy staring me and then I started to feel self-conscious. But the smells! A little circular fried piece of dough never hurt anyone...expect for me.

"What do you want? Maple? Coconut? Baco— WHAT? Bacon... France was so much more normal than the US of A," exclaimed Jefferson.

"France? That's cool," I replied blandly.

At least we have something to talk about now. Before, it was just awkward.

"Yes! France! Home of love, food, and le true salaces."

"Jefferson, I speak French!"

"Oh."

Yeah..."

"Ok."

"Sure."

"Yes." I hoped he would reply with more than one word, because I was beginning to feel even more awkward

"Well cool, anyway... France is amazing! The sights are wonderful, Trump isn't president, the language is so romantic, Trump isn't president, you don't have to worry about locals yelling at you, Trump isn't president, the bakeries are everywhere, the...."

In the middle of the conversation, while Jefferson was ranting about France, my mind drifted to Joh- I mean Laurens.

JOHN'S POV

I laid in bed, trying to imagine Alex laying next to me. I haven't been able to sleep lately. Every time I begin to drift off, I have a nightmare about me and Alex's argument. Each nightmare gets worse and worse. Every time he ends up telling me to kill myself, or he tries to kill me. I wake up in a cold sweat. I know that's not something he'd ever do.

I couldn't sleep, so I decided to think about the day's events. Bad idea. All I could think about was the failing grade I had gotten on my math midterm and the fact that Jefferson had made that joke about getting married to Alex.

I also thought about the hours I had spent in my bathroom after school, cutting myself in places no one would see, like my sides and my thighs. I had wanted to do it even more, but I had run out of non visible skin.

I felt a tear running down my face and quickly brushed it away. I would not cry, not about Alex, because I knew he'd never love me again.

"He hates me" I whispered out loud, and that made my whole body begin to shudder with the force of my sobs.

THE NEXT DAY

I walked down the hall, hunched over and hoping no one would notice me. I had sat alone at lunch for two months now, watching my "friends" eat and laugh without me.

Well, Alex hadn't been eating. I knew he'd been starving himself again, I'd known since he showed up on the very first day after winter break. I've written him a thousand notes that I wanted to put in his locker as his "secret admirer," but I didn't because I knew he'd find out it was me.

The only note I ever put in just said, "Please eat." I didn't sign it and it was typed so he wouldn't recognize my handwriting.

I'm pretty sure he knew it was from me though, because I watched as he read it a few times, looked around, then ripped it into a thousand pieces and threw it away. I felt like he had done the same thing to my heart.

I was in class, thinking about all of this while I scratched at my cuts, getting them to bleed again. After a while, I felt a bit dizzy. I asked to be excused and began to walk to the bathroom. I had a small blade in my pocket, and I needed to use it to take my mind off things.

I walked out the door when the strongest wave of dizziness hit me and--

ALEXANDER'S POV

Jefferson and I had been quietly talking, when the teacher had excused John to go to the bathroom. He looked pale, and was shaking ever so slightly. I was worried about him.

I watched him pause outside the door in the hallway through the small window. Jefferson noticed my gaze because he cleared his throat slightly.

"Alex, are you listening? I'm really excited about these plans. I don't want Laurens to get in the way of them." His tone was filled with annoyance, and I felt slightly bad.

Jefferson really has been a decent boyfriend, even if our relationship is basically fake.

I leaned forward and hugged Jefferson for a clearer view of John.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired." I sat my head on his shoulder, giving me the perfect angle to see the whole window.

Jefferson began talking again, but I was focused on John. He had pulled something small and silver out of his pocket and looked at it for a moment. A blade? My eyebrows furrowed with worry. He put the blade back in his pocket and then began walking. He was almost out of view when he stopped walking again. I craned my neck until I could see him perfectly.

He fell over onto the floor, not even trying to catch himself.

"John!" I called out, leaping up from my chair.

JEFFERSON'S POV

When Alex called out for John, I felt my heart break. Alex truly didn't like me back.

ALEXANDER'S POV

Everyone in the class stared at me.

"Sit down Alexander." Said Ms. Orth. She had been much more rude to me ever since John and I broke up.

I sat down in my chair, rolling my eyes. John didn't matter. I shouldn't be worried about him, someone else would help him. But for the rest of class, I couldn't focus on Jefferson or the lesson, my mind kept wandering back to John.

Finally, when there were 5 minutes left of the lesson, I couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped out of my seat and ran into the hall. I grabbed John and picked him up. It was hard since he was much larger than me, but I managed. I ran outside, and thought about calling a taxi. Then I saw John's motorcycle.

I carefully sat John in the basket, hoping he'd be safe. It was a very large basket. I reached into John's pockets and took his keys, and drove him to the hospital.

We got there and I ran in, with John in my arms.

"He fainted!" I called out. Suddenly I realized there was blood staining John's shirt and the stain was growing larger by the second.

I lifted it up and saw neat rows of lines going up and down his sides. They were bleeding, it looked like John had been picking at them. The sight brought tears to my eyes.

"He's also bleeding!" That caught the doctors' attention. They rushed over and took John from my arms.

I began crying harder, letting out all of the emotions I had been suppressing for 2 months.

Now 3 of my friends were in the hospital.