Black and White Rainbows-A Klaine Fanfiction [Completed]

Chapter 11:

Disclaimer: I don't own Dear Evan Hansen

Days left: 7

Blaine promised himself that he would not hyperventilate.

It would not happen again.

Yet he was having a considerable hard time breathing.

7 days.

1 week.

That was all the time he had left.

It was Tuesday. Which meant that next Tuesday would be the deadline before he went blind. It would be full on blind. Not reversing back to his original vision which he was still accustomed to. Blaine loved the world now. Everything was so beautiful. It had added a whole new brightness to his life, one he couldn't imagine living without. Yet, everyday there was a new fear that quickly invaded his mind. The thought of not just being blind, but being without the one he was made to love made his stomach churn. He had vomited. He had hyperventilated. Each day was a war. He couldn't break down. Blaine had to pretend like nothing was wrong. He wondered was Kurt was thinking. Was he scared too? He imagined that Kurt felt the more mental part of the anxiety. Kurt had seemed more withdrawn the past few days.

Blaine knew who his man was. He had known it was Kurt all along. From the moment they had sang that duet together. He had felt it, the spark. Kurt had such beautiful eyes. His voice was like that of an angel. Blaine blushed fiercely, the thought of Kurt filling him with another layer of anxiety. He wanted to tell Kurt how he felt so bad... He knew Kurt didn't feel the same way. He couldn't. Kurt looked at him the same way he looked at the classmates that he had never learned the names of. So Blaine shut Kurt out. If he didn't let him in it would hurt less right? Plus now that they were roommates and shared every single class it was hard for things to not be awkward if Blaine told him how he felt. Yet, he still found himself staring at Kurt from time time. He was lucky that Kurt hadn't caught him... yet. Blaine played the roll of the boy who didn't want to be anywhere near Kurt. It broke Blaine's heart when Kurt sat as far from him as he could in Mrs. Greenburg's class. And Mr. Nelson's. And Miss Salhaney's. And Mr. Patterson's. And Mrs. Omness's. It felt like there was a knife being jabbed through his heart, and heck, he barely knew the kid.

Blaine hadn't dared tell his friends how he felt. The gossip chain at Dalton was the most efficient part.

He had been so stressed, his grades had started to drop. He went from a 4.0 GPA to a 3.7. Getting a, heaven forbid, A- should've terrified Blaine. He didn't think anything of it. He had found a new purpose in life. The thing he stood for the most (LGBTQ+ rights) had a whole new meaning. Sure he had come at last year, but he had no idea... the flag. It had a whole new meaning to Blaine. It was rainbow. There was fire engine red, royal orange, bright yellow, grassy green, ocean blue, indigo, and a beautiful violet. He was supposed to give that up in 7 days? Everything was would disappear. Everything black. Not even any grey or white. Just black.

And there was no wonder Blaine was hyperventilating. There he lay on his bed, gasping for air. Kurt wasn't there, thank the lord. His shoulder heaved as tears streamed down his cheeks. Blaine had never been much of a crier. But the rules don't apply to a panic attack. Blaine couldn't stand. He couldn't even sit up. All he could do was breathe--and struggle at that--and cry. That's all he felt like he had done lately. At times like this, all he needed was his mom. Yes, a 16 year old boy needed his mom. In any other circumstance Blaine would've laughed at the very idea. He hadn't seen his mom in over a month.

He finally had enough strength to roll over after about five minutes, his breathing nearly under control. He began to sing to soothe himself. It was the only calming method he had now.

"It was a February day
When your dad came by, before going away
A U-Haul truck in the driveway
The day it was suddenly real
I told you not to come outside
But you saw that truck
And you smiled so wide
A real live truck in your driveway
We let you sit behind the wheel
Goodbye, goodbye
Now it's just me and my little guy
And the house felt so big, and I felt so small
The house felt so big, and I felt so small
That night, I tucked you into bed
I will never forget how you sat up and said
"Is there another truck coming to our driveway?
A truck that will take mommy away"
And the house felt so big, and I felt so small
The house felt so big, and I
And I knew there would be moments that I'd miss
And I knew there would be space I couldn't fill
And I knew I'd come up short a billion different ways
And I did
And I do
And I will
But like that February day
I will take your hand, squeeze it tightly and say
There's not another truck in the driveway
Your mom isn't going anywhere
Your mom is staying right here
Your mom isn't going anywhere
Your mom is staying right here
No matter what
I'll be here
When it all feels so big
'Til it all feels so small
When it all feels so big
'Til it all feels so small
'Til it all feels so small"

He finished, feeling immensely better. Even though the song was sad. The last few tears finished streaming down his face. Blaine knew that the song had nothing to do with his situation, but the mood matched his current one.

"That was beautiful." A voice said gently. Blaine jumped.

"Ah, Kurt! Jeez! Warn me next time you talk!" He instantly sat up, not facing Kurt. He viciously wiped the tears pooled up under his eyes and under his chin. Kurt was leaning against the wall behind Blaine.

"I love Dear Evan Hansen. But that is an awfully sad song. Who was it for?" Blaine sensed the sympathy in Kurt's voice. Blaine's mind panicked. Again. He couldn't tell him the truth. Not yet. Not ever.

"I um... i.. i... Kurt, um I..."

"No. Wait. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. That was rude. It's not any of my business." If Kurt could see Blaine's face he would see the immense amount of relief that lingered in his eyes. But he didn't and he couldn't. "I just needed to grab my car keys. I'm headed out to eat with my friends from McKinley for lunch. I'll see you during 5th hour." Kurt was about to leave before Blaine stopped him.

"Kurt! I mean, Kurt, I just wanted to say thank you for not pressing me. It's just kind of a rough spot." Blaine finally turned around to face him, hoping the lack of light was enough to hide his red, puffy eyes.

"No problem Blaine." With that, Kurt left, shutting the door behind him. Blaine rubbed his eyes. His temporary decent mood now gone. He wouldn't cry, he couldn't. Blaine was out of tears. Rather, he laid down and took a short nap instead of eating lunch.

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😭😭😭 I'm the one writing the story and even I got sad and frustrated when nothing happened. Anyways, I hope you guys liked this much overdue Blaine POV. That was a surprise! I bet you had no idea that was coming! And nor did I until I sat down to type an hour or so ago. 😝 Blaine has feelings for Kurt! EEEEK!!! But I mean, come on, we all saw this coming. This was a super fun chapter to write.

The song is "So Big / So Small" from Dear Evan Hansen (The best Broadway play to ever exist outside of Hamilton of course.) Anyways, you should go check it out. It's amazing and I was listening to it while writing this. Probably why this chapter was sad and depressing. Also, one of the characters from DEH is in Glee. The girl from season 6. Madison? The one with the twin brother? Anyways she's in Glee and DEH. I found this out recently from @remremremmylupin

Thank you guys for all of your support! After one chapter I'm so much closer to 300 reads!

Have an amazing and wonderful day!