Stall

Chapter 33.

"No, I can't quite describe what's before my eyes
And it's something you can't see that I can't hide
I tried to avoid all these thoughts inside
When you're the only thing that's on my mind."

***

The longer Harry stays quite, the longer I feel like my lungs are constricting themselves.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

I try to stay as still and calm as possible, but it's not working, my heart is sinking further and further with each second.

I knew I shouldn't have said anything, or at least not word vomited all of my thoughts about him.

Maybe I should have just said something like, you have a nice face, I like your face?

Your accent makes my tingly bits all happy?

I only want to strangle you sixty percent of the time I'm around you?

Fuck, this is exactly what I was afraid of.

My crippling fear only grows further when Harry pulls away, and shuffles himself up over me and off the couch without looking at me.

I am wishing I could just crawl up in a ball and disappear, the rejection is crushing me.

I watch as Harry threads his fingers into his hair, staring at the ground like he wants to drill holes in it, before running his hands up and down his face like he's trying to push away a million thoughts at the same time.

I know he can't handle emotions, and I just threw a tonne of them at him at once, I should have know he couldn't cope with it or maybe that's just not the answer he wanted, but to be fair - I never know what he wants really.

Harry looks to me with his brows knitted firmly, glancing his eyes over my figure like he's trying to make sense of me before he speaks.

"Did you really mean all of that?"

I fiddle with my fingers as I stare back at him apprehensively "Uh....well, it depends"

He frowns at me "Depends on what?"

I look down to my fingers, trying to sound more confident than I am, but I'm sure I sound just as insecure as I feel "If you liked what I said or not"

"What if I didn't like it?" he asks slowly, and I suck in a breath at the feel of my stomach twisting.

"Then I lied through my teeth and we can pretend I never said any of it" I shrug a shoulder, trying to ignore the sharp sting on my chest at the thought.

Maybe this entire thing is as one sided as I dreaded.

Harry pauses as he steps to stand over me next to the couch "And if I liked it?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek, threatening to bite though it with how overwhelmed and self conscious I feel "Then I meant every single word"

There's a drawn out silence before I let out a startled yelp when Harry's arms scoop under my knees and back, lifting me off of the couch in a swift motion.

"Harry, what - what the hell?" I say startled, staring at his fixed expression as he turns and starts walking towards the hallway.

He doesn't respond which only skyrockets the anxiety lodged in my throat "What are you-"

"Stop talking" he cuts me off, and I clamp my mouth shut staring at him with wide eyes.

Is he upset? Is he angry? Is he about to throw my dumb ass out one of the windows?