Stall

Chapter 81.

"It's your finger, and how I'm wrapped around it
It's your grace, and how it keeps me grounded
I know that you're weak
Just let me sing you to sleep"

***

It's now Sunday, and the past few days have been a roller coaster of me trying to come to terms with everything.

It hadn't really worked, I'm just still sort of in a daze about it. I think it's interesting how the brain reacts to high stress, to being overwhelmed and the various coping processes it creates.

Currently my coping process is barely being able to focus, for once in our relationship I'm the one that's not sleeping well.

Harry has noticed how tired I've been, and for the first time since he's known me, he had to wake me up from a nightmare last night.

It was so vivid, like the night with Andy was happening all over again, I could literally feel the punch, the smack in the face, being thrown to the ground and getting the wind knocked from me.

All of the emotions from that night felt brand new again, like I was re-experiencing it.

Harry was beside himself, he had no idea what to do, it looked like it crippled him with sadness to see me experience something I'd watched him go through so many times now - granted not to the same extent he did, but still.

We followed the same routine I do with him, when he managed to calm me down, trying helplessly to do anything he could - trying to mimic what I do with him on those nights.

He then brought me to the shower, following our same tradition we seem to have forged permanently with each other, staying close to me and trying to be comforting before he helped me get dressed and lead me back to bed.

"I know how you feel now..." he had said quietly, while I laid curled up to him as he hugged me as close as possible.

"What do you mean?" I had asked, wondering which feelings he was referring to.

"When you see me have a nightmare... I understand how it feels, I know mine are more scary to watch... But I get it now" he had explained, sounding mournful at the realisation he had.

The notion made me sad, that he understood that now, because I know how heart wrenching it is for me to watch him go through that.

Something I never thought I would hear come from Harry, while he cocooned himself around me and danced patterns around my back while my head rested on his chest, his other hand smoothing a slow rhythm up and down my thigh that was hooked over his hips as he coaxed me back to sleep, was the soft humming that came from him.

I couldn't pick the song, I'm not sure if it was one, but his voice alone was the most melodic lullaby I'd ever heard, I honestly couldn't believe my ears.

He was trying to sing me to sleep, well, humming and murmuring soft tunes and words I could barely make out but never in a million years did I ever picture him doing that.

And now that I've heard his gentle soulful voice, I don't know if I could fall asleep to anything else.

When we woke up just before lunch time, Harry refused to let me get out of bed, he clung to me being far more affectionate than usual, tender and sweet with his words and touches like he wanted them to wash away any turmoil still lingering in my mind.

It was a blissful hour, one I cherish, for a moment everything else went away and it was just the two of us, nothing could touch us and I wish so desperately things could stay that way.