Harry looks too tired and I know he will sleep in a little longer tomorrow morning. I guide him to his room and he crashes on his bed without even taking a shower. Wet clothes on or not, I'm aware he stripes them off at night. All guys like to sleep in boxers only.
I turn off all the lights in his apartment and head to mine. My cell phone starts vibrating on the counter. I didn't even realize I had left it here but it's a good thing I did. I reach over and it's a text from Zayn.
*Miss you El. How have you been?*
*I'm good, Yourself?* I answer fast. He only texted me about three minutes ago and I'm glad I had caught his text fast enough. I really missed him. I miss texting him constantly and talking about absolute crap. I miss him messing around with me, listening to me going off about the bullshit in our old school. I miss him texting me a 'good morning' and 'goodnight' texts. I missed how he told me how good my hair looked even when I look like shit.I missed hoping in Perrie's car and finding him hiding in the backseat so my parents won't see him. The thought now makes me laugh and reminds me that it's been a month that I hadn't talked to my parents. I guess I had been so busy with all the bullshit that Harry has gotten me into that the 'Harry's babysitter' job took over.
*I'm very well! Perrie says Hello and that she misses you as well. If you have anytime maybe we could FaceTime?*
*Tell her I missed her very much. I'm so sorry I hadn't texted you guys as much. I had been busy with Harry and NYU. You know how it goes.*
* no,I do not know how it goes HAHA. England and America are too different. Harry? He still exists in your life? Eleanor, as I had said before.. You deserve much better*
*Zayn, as I had said before.. We aren't in a relationship. Things just happen and I just happen to be in the middle of it somehow.*
*be careful.*
*I am Zayn. Gosh dad!*
*HAHAHA okay.*
*are you guys coming to visit me any time soon?*
* well I have some money saved up. The question is, do you have any room for me and Perrie?*
*YES!! Please just consider coming here. *
*will do! Then maybe I can meet this Harry of yours.*
*deal. Harry loves meeting new people!* I laugh to myself because I'm being completely sarcastic yet it doesn't show through in a text message.
*well goodnight! It's late here and I have NYU tomorrow!*
*okay! Consider texting me tomorrow ! Goodnight my beautiful El!*
*goodnight Zayn! Ily!*
*Ily Babe. Be careful princess*
* okay! Bye <3*
*night!*
I throw my phone on my bed and go in for a hot shower. I know I'm so tired and after the hot shower I will fall asleep fast. I was wrong. I start losing sleep. My thought get ahead of me. Sleeping alone in an apartment is a bit scary. I'm losing sleep scared of shadows. I look on my left, it's just a chair.. and the clothes hang there. Some sadness just gets to me out of nowhere. I'm not sure why. Is it because I'm lonely? Because Harry is not here? Am I getting used to him?
I hate being attached to people. In school I've always had social anxiety. I never attended sports games, school dances or even prom. Before Perrie came around, I remember eating my lunch alone in the bathroom alone and crying my eyes out. I was always so scared of saying the wrong thing, the dentist, starting conversations, and horror movies. I couldn't even get myself to talk to a class mate. Kids were so cruel to me. They always called me names and back stabbed me.That's one of the reasons I'm too nice and try to please everyone. I never wanted anyone to go through that. I'm scared that if I get attached to Harry, he will leave me and go.. Just like he did to Lou. I can't afford that. I don't know what heartbreak is like.
