My running legs take me back downstairs where Eleanor is sweating and screaming out of a nightmare. I try to calm her down, hoping she would feel me being by her side. I'll always be by her side. I take her hand and wipe away the sweat from her face.
"It's alright, I'm here" I whisper as she breathes out loud. I'm killing the butterflies in my stomach as a sacrifice. My heart is almost pounding out of my chest and I wish she had already woken up and held me in her arms assuring it's all going to be okay. She finally falls back asleep in peace looking like an angel that she is. I sit on the sofa next to her thinking, what else have I to be doing? Once in a lifetime it's just right we made no mistakes. Not even a landslide or riptide could take it all away.
The story of my life, I take her home. I drive all night to keep her warm and time is frozen. I give her hope, I spend her love until she's broke, inside. She best watch her step or she might fall, She acts like she's a know-it-all. Yeah I used to do that, I used to be like that, I'm still a bit like that. She might think she found the one until her heart gets ripped and torn. I used to feel bad, I used to feel like that. I still feel a bit like that. But I'm not searching for the answer, I'm not looking for the truth. I'm just talking through my mind, because that's all that I have ever learned to do. She needs to use her mind and make it talk, Cause in this world it's all she's got. We all fall down from the highest clouds to the lowest ground. The loneliness is worst of all, When you've got no one else to call. Feeling kind of sad when the times are bad, the times are getting bad.
An hour later I wonder around the house I grew up in. The silence is beautiful. My feet take me back up the stairs were I was going to open my old bedroom. If she was honest and I remember correctly, broken alcohol bottles should be covering the floor. Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days. Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change. Leave my heart open but it stays right here in it's cage. I twist the knob open finally and I'm suprised to find it all cleaned up. I shut it again after a look. I run back down and yank my coat off the coat hanger. Three in the morning already and I'm sure the local bar is still open. Slamming the door shut I run to it.
It's exactly how I remember it, red light and loads of fog. I ask the bar tender for four bottle of cheap alcohol. That shall do the trick. Running back with the door being unlocked, my running feet take me back to the old bedroom. I take the bottles one by one and hold myself from breaking them on my old walls. So I drink the digusting liquid as I cry again, what has my life come to?
Broken bottles in the old bedroom, Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again. I know it's crazy to believe in silly things but it's not that easy. I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started, but I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now. It's time to let it go, go out and start again. But it's not that easy. The world keeps spinning around. And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone. Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave me far too soon. Naïve I was just staring at the barrel of a gun and I do believe that.
Get me out of this room now, get me out of this world. A drop of smoke is too much now, a plume of rain is a curse. I said I'd never move to the city, I'd never move to the past. I'd never call something pretty, cause looks they don't always last. I'd kill to get away, I'd die to make my own way. I'd lose to celebrate, I'd win to see the good days. I'll never stop the fighting, so bring me to her worst. I'll never stop believing, that I could rule the world one day. Whoever knocks on my window, whoever's ruining my hope. I wouldn't laugh in achievement, like what I dream is a joke.
Our lives are stories, waiting to be told. In search of silver linings, we discovered gold and judgment taught us that our hearts were wrong. But they're the ones that we'll look down upon. The rules say our emotions don't comply but we'll defy the rules until we die. So let's be sinners to be saints and lets be winners by mistake. The world may disapprove but my world is only Eleanor. And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me.
Eleanor showed me feelings I've never felt before. We're making enemies, knocking on the devil's door but how can expect her not to eat, When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet? Our hearts are too ruthless to break, Let's start fires for heavens sake. So she brought out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen. She took my soul and wiped it clean.Our love is made for movie screens.
The more my blood is drowning in alcohol the less I weep. A smirk is formed upon my face before I leave the bedroom after the second bottle. I drag my feet down holding only two more that are full. Have you got colour in your cheeks? Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift? The type that sticks around like something in your teeth? Are there some aces up your sleeve? Have you no idea that you're in deep? I dreamt about Eleanor nearly every night this week. How many secrets can she keep? I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be and satisfaction feels like a distant memory.
And I can't help myself, All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine? " I guess what I'm trying to say is I need the deep end. Keep imagining meeting, wished away entire lifetimes. Unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days, Great escape lost track of time and space. She's a silver lining climbing on my desire.
I open the front door and stand in the drive way. With all my might I smash one by one. Empty and full bottles. The front yard along with the small steps are covered with bit of broken green glass. A sad laugh leaves my loud mouth and I step far back until my back hits the side of house. And so I slowly fall to the ground once more and cry like a coward. Am I drunk? Impossible! Two bottle never influence me enough. I stand up and kick a few around then head back in. Eleanor is still sleeping and I watch her beautiful face. Soon darkness comes over me and I am left laying next to her on the floor with one of my hands holding one of hers.
