don't ever want to miss you | fillie

where's the fun in doing what you're told?

Chapter 22

A month.

30 days have passed since the breakup. 30 days without Finn.

It was ridiculous, counting the days, Millie thought, shaking her head slightly. Why was she even torturing herself with that? Why was she still punishing herself with constant reminders of what she did to them?

She should stop. With counting the days, with thinking about him, with missing him, with loving him, with everything. It was over, they had nothing that would connect them anymore, they weren't friends, they weren't lovers. They were nothing.

We became your favorite word.

Finn's words rang in her mind and she winced, her eyes closing as she tried not to think about it. 

The fact that they both were in the same city right now wasn't helping at all, though.

Finn has been in New York for a little over a week now if she remembered his filming schedule correctly. She's been here only for a couple of hours, arriving to attend the second audition to "My everything". This time it was surprisingly held in New York as if the universe wanted to remind her what she's been running away from.

But... It didn't matter, it couldn't matter. She was here only for a couple of days, she was here for the audition, to focus on her career, nothing more. Finn won't even know she was here.

As if she was never there.

She still had some time, though. She came here a few days before the audition to prepare, to just stay for a while in the city or, as Kathy put it, have a little fun. Millie's manager insisted on a girls' night out and even though Millie was reluctant, not really feeling in the mood for partying, she agreed to it eventually. How could she say no, especially when Kathy mentioned that after she got divorced, she had no one to party with since her husband left with her best friend. Besides, they both deserved to relax after what they both have been through for the last few months.

That's how Millie ended up in Kathy's hotel room, all dolled up in a beige dress, her hair styled into waves, her jewelery gold but subtle and, finally, her makeup done, her skin glowing. Frankly, she couldn't remember the last time she put that much thought into her outift. It must've been before the breakup, definitely, she thought as she stood in front of the mirror.

Something she hasn't done in days.

She didn't have many occassions to dress up lately since she wasn't invited to premieres or parties anymore, she couldn't recall the last time Finn took her on a date... She missed wearing something casual and cute for once, wearing something not because her stylist told her to, but because she chose and bought it herself. In a way, like a breath of fresh air, it made her feel better and more confident in her own skin. 

She's always been self-conscious about her body, about her appearance... Now, she could see how much she has changed. She knew she lost weight after the breakup, her hair falling out, her face pale with dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep, her lips chapped, her skin getting dry... But today, it was different. She was in a rather good mood, the fact that she slept longer than usual being a big help with that. Her hair curled prettily around her face with locks bouncing with every move, her cheeks were tinted pink as if she was blushing slightly, giving her pretty peachy colors and accenting her olive skin, adorning her features. Her dress was flowing around her body, nothing too tight or too loose, comfortable enough to dance and spend a few hours in the city. She simply loved it, loved how delicate the fabric felt wrapped around her body, how it responded to every movement so easily, as if she was flying. It reminded her a little of the dress she wore at Stranger Things 3 premiere, although this time it was much more simple with no train or that many frills.