When My Heart Is In Vain

A CHRISTMAS WITH NOBODY

A CHRISTMAS WITH NOBODY

I was on my way home when I saw an old man along the street with big and heavy bags on his side. There were also a one canned of beer and a wrapped gift. He looked so ragged with his clothing. And when I came to examine his face, he got those dark and thick beard, long nose and eyes---

Eyes who's telling me a lot of emotions. It shouts pain, I guess. He's staring unto something so I looked at it too.

I suddenly felt a hand touched my heart.

The old man is looking at a lantern. Colorful and bright lantern. Hanging and swaying with the wind. I looked at the old man again. My heart clenched when I saw his eyes getting watery. And I felt mine too.

I can't just stand in here seeing him like that. So slowly, I made my way near him. Bent in front. And looked intently at his eyes. Eyes who caught me. Till ---

He gazed down at me.

"How may I help you, young lady?" He asked. He asked with those smile plastered on his face. Like the fck? How could someone do that? You knew you were in pain but you still managed to hide what you truly feels? Amazing.

"Ahm, err--- are you alone, Mister?" I asked. Full of nervousness running round my chest. What? I might invade his privacy! But what could you do? His soul seemed to pull me closer to him and had this curious and thick face show him.

"I've got children. Four all in all" he started and gave me a warm smile before looking at the lantern again. "A Flight Stewardess, Seaman, Licensed Teacher, and a successful Businessman. I worked day and night to support their needs. And guess how happy I am seeing them happy with what they've got" and there, a bitter smile, a teary eyes, and a sad soul is in front of me.

"Where are they then? Aren't they supposed to celebrate Christmas with you, Mister?" I asked as I sat beside him.

"I have been spending Christmas alone for 16 years now" he said, sadly, and a tear fell down his cheeks.

"Sorry" I apologized.

"Don't be. Since my children got a life of their own, I have accepted my life. This life. My life without them. I have accepted that I'm gonna live a life on my own. My very own." He said, tears already streaming down his face.

"But why did you just let them go?"

"Sometimes, we got to accept the fact that everyone's not gonna stay in your life forever"

"Even on special occasions like Christmas? They won't bother to be with you? You haven't contacted them to spent times with you?" I am starting to feel pity towards this old man.

"Ever since they left with their own family, I already forgot the essence of Christmas. I've already had Christmas on my own. I've already spent Christmas with nobody. For a damn long time" he looked at my direction and smiled. "And I have accepted that, gladly. You" I looked at him, paying so much attention. "Don't leave your parents when you already have what you wanted, when they have already given you so much, when you got satisfied with the things you think they've already given you. Because trust me, there is no other lonely and painful thing than of spending Christmas with nobody"

After those heart wrenching words he saith, he carried all his things, stood, looked at me, smiled and waved for the last time.