The S.T.F. Files, Book 1: S.T.F.

Can You Hear Me Calling?

Riza's POV 

"Yeah that's right" I shout into the wind, "I like Alagretto." The west wind almost taunted me, as it blew coldly into my face, as if it was mocking me, that I shouldn't say my feelings that were so petty, and foolish. I shook my head to clear my hair out of my face. Against all odds, and still being myself. 

"I don't need anyone to tell me anything against it. I like him. I don't need to be punished for feelings. I am just shouting the truth." And showing. 

I didn't need anyone to tell me anything. His kindness was more than enough. I've never met anyone that kindhearted, and willing to do things for me, even though I didn't do anything for him. 

I'm always thankful for kindness, yet I don't do a single thing in gratitude to show my appreciation. Why couldn't I do anything about this? I was so mean, and...huh. 

If I showed more kindness, I might forget what's important. Staying alive. 

And even now, I was losing it, why? 

Was confessing what I held deep within hurting me? What was this doing to me? The thoughts shivered me, as I fell to the floor of the roof, on my knees. Were these too, eating me alive? 

"Why, can't I, why can't I confess my simple liking of another friend that I know, and spend more time with, then anyone I know?" 

Warm tears almost burned my cheeks, as I tried to laugh and cry at the same time. 

Was this really me? Too invisible, and fragile, can't even confess what she actually likes? 

"Am I really this weak, and I can't even admit I like Alagretto, man, I've sunken so low since I started the STF" I laugh, before letting the cold wind take my body, and let me fall into a heap. A cold feeling swept my body. Heh, I think I was going to let this wind murder me. I had no reason for living. 

Riza, don't let your emotions get to you. As soon as you put your emotions into something, everything goes downhill. It takes a long time to get back up that hill, could be years. You must remove your emotions from everything, becoming socially withdrawn if you want to live right, and not have to be bothered by everything else in the world. This is the truth, haven't you noticed, Riza? My mother told me. I nodded. I couldn't have friends. They'd discover, and I'd have to move again. I would be made fun of. Heheh, to remove yourself completely from society. That would get you freedom. Here I was now, going to die from a cold wind, since I was wearing shorts and a tank, on top of a building where it was about thirty degrees, since it's winter in here....haha, man, I am pathetic. 

Pathetic Riza....and this may be the last of her... 

I stood up, trembling every step of the way, shouting with my last breaths before passing out, "Can you hear my voice? Can you, Alagretto? Can you hear me calling? Can you feel my voice trembling in your soul? I like you, I love you." I then fall back to the ground, and pass out.