How to lose Hazza in 10 days || h.s. [english]

➳ Day #3 * seven days to go

➳ Day #3 * seven days to go

// Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there //

Mom carefully kept an eye on me. Me acting cheerful and optimistic worked for everyone, except for her. It seemed she could look right through me. Therefore she was my mother I guess. For months I succeeded to postpone a doctor's visit. I don't know why I did it really. Perhaps some sort of premonition.

--

He doesn't say anything about it. The whole day he was sweet as hell. But I resent his fake smile. Well, he might be happy because we're together. But it's obvious something is bothering him. And that something, that's me.

Looking at his face, I just feel he knows. He knows these are our last days together. Our last few days as he and I together as one. It seemed he already resigned himself to it, unconsciously. I should be 'happy' that he's seemingly preparing himself for our approaching separation. But his resignation makes me angry – and yes, I know I'm being unfair. It hurts, seeing him stop fighting. Fighting for us. But I can't blame him. He doesn't even know what he's fighting against. And honestly, how can you arm yourself against an enemy that you don't know?

I study his actions. He lays down a blanket. With a pat on the chequered fabric he tells me where I need to sit down. He takes everything out of the picnic basket, one by one. Chocolate buns, croissants, toasts, jam, juice and last but not least fresh fruit salad. A smile appears on my face. He's a sweetheart. I love fruit salad; both of us love fruits. As if he's able to read my mind, he fills a bowl with delicious pieces of strawberry, banana and melon. He pricks my fork into a piece of strawberry and hands me the bowl.

I take a look at my watch: half past eleven. The ideal time for a brunch. I've only been awake for an hour, but it didn't made me less tired.

My eyes rest on the perfect guy who's sitting next to me. It seems he's trying to get as much out of our days as possible. But honestly, it's exhausting me. But my wish to be with him and give him a few more nice memories, wins over my exhaustion. He's the only reason I'm doing this to myself, him and myself. 'Cause I enjoy this too.

I blame myself. After what I did to him, I don't deserve him doing everything for me.

The little voice inside my head is driving me insane. 'You should have listen to yourself. Your plan not to fall in love again. If you had followed it, you wouldn't be hurting him this way.' The little voice made me sad, 'cause it was right.

I prick my fork into a piece of melon, slowly. My appetite is gone. From the corner of my eye I see him looking at me, worry all over his face.

"Don't you like it?" he asks softly.

A frown is clearly visible on his forehead. I put a smile on my face and put the piece of melon in my mouth.

"I love it," I mumble with my mouth full, while holding my hand over my mouth.

He looks at me, waiting for the 'but'. I sigh.

"I was just thinking," I say, closing the subject.

"About?" he asks immediately.

I see a piece of strawberry disappearing in his mouth. It makes my smile. But his question puts me with my both feet back on the ground.

"About us," I answer, "about you."

It might not be the whole truth, but in essence it's true. I was thinking of him.

My answer evokes a cheeky smile on his already perfect face. Fortunately. Boys will be boys. Reprieve.

"And what were you thinking 'bout me?" he asks, adding a naughty eyebrow wiggle.

I swallow and look away, gazing at the blanket we're sitting on. I can't, I can't ruin this perfect moment. Determined, I pin my eyes back into his.

"That you're the most perfect boyfriend a girl can imagine," I answer honestly.

I see his eyes light up, even before I finished my sentence. He moves a little closer to me and pulls me into his arms.

It pleases me, but at the same time it doesn't. I feel the pain getting worse, day after day. Each day now felt like a victory. Even a sweet hug from the boy I loved, hurts like hell. But I suppress that pain. Physically his hugs are hurting me, but at the same time his affection is what keeps me alive right now.

// 'Us' reminds me of what I'm fighting for //

____________________

I hope you still like this... Thank you for reading! ♥ Lots of love, Famke

(dedication to @Iighter because I totally love her writings -> so go on and read them!)