How to lose Hazza in 10 days || h.s. [english]

➳ Day #9 * one day to go

Day #9 * one day to go

// In essence, words mean nothing – actions speak out loud//

They said the pain was caused by internal inflammations, which were spread throughout my entire body. And my body fought against itself, destroying every tiny bit what was left of it. Apparently it was called an 'autoimmune' disease. Whatever. Which one it was precisely, they didn't know yet. But anyway: this unknown disease caused the infections.
There was one thing I was sure about; fighting against my own body took energy. Lots of it. I'm exhausted.

--

Here we are. Just lying down. His arms tightly around me, as if he would never let me go – I wish that was possible. We don't say a thing. Silence says it all. I'm listening to how he sniffs the smell of my hair. I hold his hands on my stomach. My head is resting in his neck. I can feel his heartbeat. A regular rhythm which calms me. Being with him. Lying in his arms. I wanna hold this moment forever – I wish I could…
A moment ago I told him everything I knew myself. We decided to enjoy our time together. We wouldn't mention the thing again. Simply because talking about it wouldn't change a thing really. It would only ruin our moments together. And we agreed not letting that happen.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" he breaks the silence that lasted at least half an hour.
I smile. As if I could ever forget.
"Like duh," I say, while rolling my eyes.
I turn my head so I can look him in the eye.
"You were so damn cute with that pink beanie," I grin.
My heart is warmed by the twinkle in his eyes. Finally. The twinkle I love so much is back. The soft blush on his cheeks, combined with the cheeky grin and twinkle. I definitely would fall for him again. But hey, can you blame me?

And then silence crawls back in. An uncomfortable silence this time. I see he wants to speak, but something seems to stop him.
"So," he begins hesitantly.
But no other words follow. I look at him expectantly, pushing him over his fear of talking.
"After all this," he continues, and stops again.
I stare at him. He looks away. But I know what he means by 'after all this'. We both don't want to waste words on it.

"We can make that trip to Venice you'd always dreamed of," he finally says.
"And we can go on safari in Africa," he rattles on, "and visit the Pyramid of Cheops and-"
"Yes, we can do all that," I interrupt him.
He makes me smile. But at the same time, he making plans for the future, tears me apart. Yes, I want to do all of those things. Secretly – but not really though – I was looking forward to that.

I snuggle back into his arms again. My back rests on his chest, just to make sure he doesn't see the fear in my eyes. Fear for the future. For us.
He pulls me even closer. His lightly shocking body tells me he's crying. The tears are wetting my hair. A loud sob makes me turn around. He looks broken. It hurts to see him like that. And this was what I was desperately trying to avoid, from the beginning on.

"So-orry," he whispers.
I ignore his apologies. He can't help he's feeling the way he is, right? A tear arises in the corner of my eye. But I ignore that too.
"I love you," I say softly, because that's the only thing that really matters.
He flashes his eyes before looking at me.
"I love you more," he whispers back.
I smile, while shaking my head.
"You can't," I answer.
He smiles and nods.
"I can," he says so softly I can hardly understand.
While uttering those words, he tucks a lost strand of hair behind my ear and presses a sweet kiss on my lips.

// Love is the planning of a whole lifetime together //

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Hoping you still like this :$ Lots of love, Famke