How to lose Hazza in 10 days || h.s. [english]

➳ Day #5 * five days to go

Day #5 * five days to go

// You're my personal emotional rollercoaster //

The doctor was worried about my abnormal blood levels. And there seemed to be something wrong with my pancreas too. And also the little inflammations on the surface of my skin, troubled him.

--

Still half asleep, I open my eyes. Dazed, I look around.

"Good morning babe," he whispers with his hoarse morning voice.

Only now I'm aware of his strong arms around my waist. My eyes dart around the room. His room.

"Hi," I say in return, confused by the contradictory feelings that are fighting for my attention at this very moment.

I make a decision. I just have to do this. Right now. Determined, I try to get out of his arms. In vain.

"Ho, ho," he startles and stops me, "what's wrong?"

I feel him strengthening his grip, and I know I can't move anymore. Not if he doesn't want me to do so.

"Please let me go," I whisper, with heartache.

No response. Eventually he deeply sighs.

"Why?" he then asks calmly.

His shaking voice tells me he isn't calm at all.

"Because it's the best thing to do," I hesitate, "for both of us."

I feel his heartbeat accelerating. He throws a fit. But what did I expected. My answers to his questions are so vague they create more questions than answers. I know that. But I have no choice, not if I don't want him to break completely.

"But why?!" he irritated raises his voice.

I take a deep breath. I know my answer will make him even more angry. One day he'll understand.

"Can't tell," I answer so soft I hardly hear my own words.

Then I focus on the silence.

He loosens his grip. As soon as my body allows me to, I stand up. From the corner of my eye I see his head hanging. Desperate. In a sudden movement, he looks at me again. He grabs my wrist. I'm shocked by his strength. He literally clings on to me.

It tears me apart. He clings to me physically. I cling to him mentally. Just because he doesn't want me to go. But he's making things much more difficult than they already are. For me. For us. For him.

I give a tug at my wrist, full of regret. I try my best not to cry, knowing the tears will flow eventually. But when I'm alone. Not now. Not while I'm with him.

"No!" he begs.

I can't even describe how much emotion he puts into that one word. Despair. Anger. Intense grief. Desperation. Concern.

My eyes are begging him. Seeing the terrible pain he's in, it hurts. I'm really sorry. I love you, but I can't say that right now. Deep down I know you know. Or at least I hope so.

"I assure you it's the best thing to do," I try to convince him.

He frowns. I see him thinking it over.

"One day you'll realize I was right," I add some explanation, sort of.

I'm not only trying to convince him I'm right, I need to convince myself too. I'm praying for him not to make it even more difficult for both of us.

I don't know what to say anymore, so I keep my mouth shut. But the silence drives me nuts. Seconds seem to last for hours.

"Please tell me," he tries once more with his whiny voice.

I know him, and I know this would be his last attempt. I only keep staring while shaking my head, hoping he finally gives up.

"Would it kill you to try?" he asks cynically.

I swallow the lump in my throat. His words wound me in the core of my soul. The only thing that crosses my mind is that I need to get out of here. As hard as I can, I give a tug at my wrist. Successfully – I probably just surprised him. As fast as I can, I run toward the door. I look back once before I leave. He stares at me, astonished.

I nod, answering his question. Tears are arising in the corner of my eyes. I no longer can deny the harsh facts. Denial isn't an option anymore.

"And I'm too young to die," I whisper.

My voice is muffled by sobs. Tears are flooding. If he only knew.

I don't wait for him to react, I just run away. Using all the strength I have. I think he gets it. He doesn't follow.

// Sometimes running away can be the smartest thing to do //

____________________

I want to thank my 500th follower with a dedication and a follow back :) Thank you so much ^^ And I want to thank all my followers and readers for the support!! I love you all ♥ I really do! Xx, Famke