How to lose Hazza in 10 days || h.s. [english]

➳ Day #8 * two days to go

Day #8 * two days to go

// When the last piece of your life falls apart and there’s just nothing left to fight for //

The patching up didn't work any longer. The medication that used to suppress the symptoms, hardly had any effect on me. The pain was getting worse. High doses of painkillers kept me going. The main reason I could conceal this for such a long time.

--

He was the reason why I wanted to fight. And now even that was gone. He was gone. My last straw I convulsively hung onto. It's a sign, isn't it?

Running away.  That was what we did the last couple of days. Honestly? It seemed an easy way out, avoid intense emotions. Run away, hoping those feelings couldn't keep up. Unfortunately. It never works this way I guess.

I kept thinking. Why. Why he'd ran away. Guilt? Because of what I told him… Or anger? For not telling all this for that long… I can't handle this. Tears are finding their way. Again. I really can't help it.

I have two days. Two days before I need to leave. The journey of the last hope. But hope. What's hope? I think I lost my faith in hope, I lost it on that bumpy road. And he took the last bit of hope with him.
I cry myself to sleep. A sleep without dreams – I was too exhausted to dream. Fortunately.

…

A tickling feeling at my hand wakes me up. Dazed I open my eyes. Really slow, getting used to the light. My heart almost stops beating. I smile like a lunatic. My angel with brown curls, he's sitting on the ground next to the bed. His head is resting on the mattress. His eyes are closed. His thumb strokes my hand rhythmically. Calming me down. I'm relieved. He's here. With me. For me. For us.

I look at the time. Six o'clock. I had slept all afternoon. A sigh gets my attention. I move my hand to grab his. A split second later his piercing eyes are pinned in mine.
"Hi," I whisper hoarsely.
He stands up rapidly, then sits down right next to me on the bed.
"Hello," he whispers, putting a strand of hair behind my ear carefully.
His voice tells me he cried, a lot. It hurts. It hurts like hell. But it also warms my heart. He's here. At my side. And I'm grateful for him being here.

He bends over and presses a gentle kiss on my forehead. My mouth curls up in a sincere smile.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper.
He brings his index finger to my mouth.
"Sssht," he says.
His hand caresses my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispers back, " I'm sorry for running away."
But he's here right now.
"It's okay," I answer sincerely.
He shakes his head, a sign for me to shut up.
"And I'm sorry that I took that much energy from you. Energy that could be useful for other things. Like fighting against – against this," he continues his apology.
What the–?! He's wrong! And he has to know.
"If anything, you kept me healthy longer," I assure him, my eyes pinned into his.
He needs to know that it's because of him I'm still fighting. He needs to know before I leave.

He tilts my head a little. Slowly his head approaches mine. He closes his eyes. Without hesitation I follow his example. Only a second later I feel his soft lips touching mine.
And I'm back on the emotional rollercoaster. But right now luck predominates, how strange it might be. It's only him and me, everything else fades away. At least for a while.
A tear of him drops on my cheek. He must really care for me. I think. No. I know it. I know he loves me.

// Love – that one thing that can let you forget everything else //

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Oh boy... I'm so terribly sorry for not updating this long :$ I had exams and school is important ofcourse... But here is the next chapter, finally :$ I hope you guys still enjoy this. Lots of love, Famke