Rewrite the Stars

Chapter Twenty One - Laying the Cards on the Table

Three and a Half Years Earlier

It was a gloomy day. I had woken up feeling a bit messed up. I had a weird feeling that something was not right, and oh boy was I correct. I'll never forget what happened that day and what followed afterwards.

I had been feeling lumps in and around my neck. I disregarded it for several weeks, but I could start feeling it growing. Esmeralda and my parents freaked out when I told them about it. Given my history with cancer, they didn't want to risk it and decided to take me to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor ordered a CAT scan and three lumps around my neck were found. The doctor removed two of them and had them tested in the lab. It took about three weeks before the doctor's office called and told us that the test results were back and that we should come in the next day.

As soon as my parents and I walked in to the doctor's office, I knew he was bearing bad news.

"The results show that the lumps are cancerous." He tells us. "Unfortunately, the cancer is coming back."

I won't ever forget the way I felt when I heard those words. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. The doctor informed us that we should start with chemotherapy sessions as soon as possible.

Esmeralda was waiting for us back at home. She ran to us as soon as we walked inside and bombarded us with a million and one questions. Our somber looks probably gave it away, because Esmeralda pulled me in for a bear hug and told me that everything was going to be alright.

Esmeralda's hand was locked with mine as we sat on the rustic swing on our front porch. She was always putting up a strong front for me, but I knew that she was scared a much as I was.

"Have you told Benjamin?" She asked me.

"No." My voice was above a whisper. "I can't bring myself to let him know."

Esmeralda squeezed my hand. "He'll stand by you through it all."

Tears fell down my face. "No, he won't." I hiccupped. "I'm just a sick girl. I'm a burden."

"No, you're not." Her voice is firm. "Everything will be okay." She murmurs as she pulled me into to a hug, comforting me.

A honk sounded in the background breaking our embrace. We watched as Collin climbed out of the car then went to the backseat and picked up a sleeping Philip.

I dried my eyes with my shirtsleeves and tried to compose myself. Collin sent a sad smile towards Esmeralda before looking my way. I figured that she had told him. Esmeralda stood up and took a sleeping Philip from Collin's arms before going inside, leaving Collin and I alone.

"Can I sit?" He asked me and I just shrugged.

Collin took the seat that Esmeralda had just evacuated. "Are you okay?" He asked me.

"I'd be lying if I said I was." I told him honestly in a low voice.

"You're a warrior, Rosa. I have no doubt in mind whatsoever that you're going to win this battle just like you did the last time."

I burst into tears. "You don't know that!"

"I do." He told me. "You're stronger than you think you are."

We stayed silent for a while before I spoke up. "Did you tell Benjamin?"

Collin shook his head. "I figured it wasn't my place to tell him."

"I don't want him to know." I told him. I had made up my mind. I didn't want to tell Benjamin.

Collin looked at me with confusion written all over his face. "Why?"

"I don't want him to see me in my most vulnerable state." I told him. "I don't want him to see me this way. In case I don't make it, I want him to remember me just the way I am right now and not as the sick girl."

Collin sighed. "You will make it, Rosa."

"But, what if I don't?" I spluttered out through my tears. "Please, Collin. Just don't tell him."
Collin looked conflicted, but nodded nonetheless. "It's a small town, Rosa. He will figure it out eventually."

"I know." I told him. "That's why I need to ask you a favor."

"Anything."

"I want to do my chemotherapy elsewhere. Maybe in the city."

Collin stayed silent for a minute. He appeared to be deep in thought. "I'll contact the chief executive officer of Sacred Heart hospital in Chicago." I waited for him to continue. "You'll do your treatment there."

I released a breath of relief. "Thank you, Collin." I hug him tightly. "You don't know how much you've helped me."

Collin pulled back form the hug and nodded. "I still don't agree with your decision. I'd rather prefer you tell Benjamin and let him be there for you."

"I can't let him see me this way. Please, Collin you have to understand."

"I do understand." He assured me. "But, this will destroy him. Benjamin loves you." He tells me. "I have never seen my brother fall so deeply in love with anyone until you."

I couldn't help the tears that fell down my face. I couldn't help but be angry at myself, at life, at this fucking universe. Why was this happening to me all over again? Why can't I just live my life like a normal person? Why me?

Collin wrapped his arms around me in a hug and ran his hand up and down my back trying to get me to calm down. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." He murmured.

***

Rosa: Are you home?

Ben: Yes, why?

Rosa: Can I come over?

Ben: Of course, love.

I was heading over to Benjamin's house to see him one last time. He didn't know this, he didn't know that this was the last time he'll be seeing me.

Benjamin opened the door for me with open arms like every single time he had done before. Rusty ran towards me and pushed me down on my bum just like every single time. The only difference was that this time I was trying to take it all in. I was trying to savor every single detail.

"I love you." I told Benjamin as we sat on the sofa with me curled against him, knowing that this might be the last time I told him that.

"I love you too, beautiful." He sounded as confused as he looked. He grabbed my hands and placed a soft kiss inside my palm. Tears were threatening to fall down, but I tried to keep it in as much as I could. "Are you okay?" He asked me.

I nod wordlessly and wrap my arms around his torso, and place my head on his chest. I wanted to feel him, but I knew that if I touched him, felt that warm skin underneath my hands, I'd be gone. I'd be his until the morning rose again.

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