Who Would've Thought?

8. Declan

Things weren't okay.  Things weren't right.  There was something wrong with me.

These thoughts kept running wild in my head and I couldn't seem to escape them.

I couldn't deny that my friendship with Rio has been a little strained, and that's mostly my fault. What I could (try to) deny is the feelings that have recently started.

I was suddenly nervous around him. Yet, he would do something I didn't like and I'd snap at him more harshly than usual. Like the time I was staring at him about a week ago.

I had been watching him in a not so subtle way and when Rio had caught me looking, I lost it.

"The fuck are you staring at?" I had asked him.

He was gobsmacked to say the least.

"Uh, I-I wasn't. I looked up and you were already looking at me, Dec." He seemed so genuinely confused.

I cursed myself for acting this way towards him. Yes, I could get like this around people I didn't know or didn't like. But this was Rio. The same goofy, outgoing kid that I trusted with my life. He's always stuck by me, through all of my unnecessary mood swings.

I had told myself after that, that I really need to calm down. If I didn't he'd start to think that I was mad at him. But I definitely wasn't. Quite the opposite. I was angry at myself because these new feelings were confusing me.

That encounter happened about a week ago. The day after I had spent the afternoon at his place, feeding our faces until we felt sick. Although I had been distant with him before that arvo, we managed to have a really good time.

And then the next day I had to fuck things up again.

Currently I was sitting in Rio's room watching him as he fumbled around his room searching for an outfit.

Our hangouts outside of school had been less frequent this pass week because of my weird behaviour, but today he decided to look past it and invite me over again.

Because today... well, was his first ever date.

And he was freaking the fuck out.

"I don't know what she likes! I don't know, I don't know..." Rio's hands were just about pulling strands of hair out of his scalp.

"Calm down," I told him. "If she doesn't like what you have planned then she's not worth it."

Oh, she definitely wasn't worth it either way.

"Yeah, but what if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't like what I wear?" He sat down on his bed, with his shoulders slumped and sighed.

"Having a girlfriend is hard!" He moaned dramatically and fell back on the bed.

"Actually, she's not your girlfriend," I reminded him with a smirk. Yup, I'd most definitely be reminding him of that fact.

"You know what?" he said. "At least I'm close to having one. You haven't dated anyone since you were like fourteen."

It's true. I've never had a girlfriend. I've been on dates before, but I decided that was to much drama and that one night stands and casual hookups were more my thing.

I think Rio might have had a few one night stands before but I wasn't too sure. He told me he wasn't a virgin though.

"I don't know what she's going to expect of me. Is she the type to make out on first dates? Will she want to go further? Fuck. I'm gonna throw up." He sighed.

Rio actually did look a little nauseous because of the nerves I could see he so evidently had. I don't know why he's so scared. He's never cared too much about other people's opinions of him. That was one of the main things I liked about him and that we had in common.

I shook my head. "Just cancel if this is too much for you to handle."

Cancel and hang out with me, is what I wanted to say.

"Are you kidding? It's not to much for me to handle and I wouldn't cancel because I really want go on this date. I've never been on one before. I've just been waiting the right girl to come around," he explained.

Ouch. That hurt.

Trust me, Rio. The right person has come around, it's just not a girl though. And they haven't just come around, they've always been there.

Shit! I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't necessarily know if I like Rio that way.

I mean, do I really have feelings for another guy? A guy who has been my best friend for years. I just couldn't fathom it.

Where did these feelings suddenly emerge from and why?

I could faintly hear Rio babbling on about what to wear and how to act on his date, but I wasn't really listening.

I had to get this sorted.

I let out a sigh and Rio stopped and turned to me. "Everything okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I asked him back.

He shrugged. "Well, you know I'm okay, just nervous."

"True."

"So are you ever gonna tell me what's going on with you these last couple of weeks?" He questioned.

"What do you mean, Rio?"

"Oh, come on! You let out a big sigh just earlier which was your way of trying to get my attention, and lately you've been acting weird. I can't even explain it. I wish it would just stop," He admitted.

"Yeah, trust me, I wish that too. I just don't know," I said.

"That's such bullshit, Declan. I know you know what's going on. I also know you're refusing to tell me. I'm sick of it. I don't understand why this is happening because we tell each other everything. Especially you to me," Rio said.

I frowned. "Okay, and that's supposed to mean what? Especially you to me?"

"It means that you always tell me everything. No matter what, because you have no one else to tell." He told me.

Why would he say something so stupid?

"Oh, don't give me that look." He rolled his eyes at me. "You know I didn't mean any offence by it. I'm just saying that I'm the only one you tell things to, but you choose it to be that way."

I said, "You know what? I think I'm just gonna go home."

"What, why? Are seriously that mad about what I said just then?" He asked.

"No, I'm tired. I want to go home," I told him dismissively.

"Yeah, actually you do that. I don't know what's going on with you, but until you can stop treating me like shit, I don't really want you around."

I snorted, already half way out of his room. "Whatever have fun on your date."

I slammed his door shut behind me. The loud 'bang' must've scared his birds because they started squawking.

Shit, I cursed at myself. I know Rio hates when his pets get scared.

Actually, who cares what he hates right now. Even if it is me.

I got into my car and laughed, close to hysterics.

Sucker didn't even have his own license. He had to make his date pick him up.

I cursed myself again. Why was I doing this? Why was I letting these new feelings sabotage my best friendship?

__________________________

Hey guys! It's been a while. But here's a long awaited update. Thanks for sticking by.

Lots of love!