Her Hearts Desire, His Pleasure! (Sebastian IIL)Twist (Completed)

Ch 13 "3 PM!"

Life has been a whirlwind of event's and emotions. how can this even be?. One moment im a young child playing with my best friend in an open field near our houses. then next im 20 and moving out of my parents home. and within 5 years im married and have a son. I can't say it completely bad. because it wasn't. but, it went so fast, to fast that I don't even think I was truly able to get my bearings. and Now im almost 4 decades old and I feel I have missed everything good! everything important and all I want it my time back, my time as a kid to not grow up do fast, to then enjoy my 20's taking my time figuring life out. building a career and foundation. think and only then going out and seeking someone to love. I don't know if I say I regret anything because well if I regret anything, doesn't that mean you'd want to change it. and to change any course of your life changes the future outcomes. I would want to change many things, many outcomes but would it change me having my son. would it change me being here now, doing this wanting something new, wanting to change my very life and everything in it for the better!  Would I still be looking or would I be happy where ever I would be?  

All I know is I want a new start, a new found youth in me that brings me back to life. that allows me to truly love my life so late in life and move forward feel proud that I didn't completely lose my self and what I hold dear and valuable to me. 

TO finally find someone who understands me, you know how to talk with me, not at me, who don't go on the defense just because a question was asked. who I can make feel amazing when they're in my very arms as I would in there's. nothing is ever perfect nor the people in our lives, but to have someone willing to walk it with you in hand but also guiding you when you need their straight not always being the one to guide and encourage them with nothing back, yes maybe I had someone who encouraged me, but never helped me fight for it bringing me up when I want to quite and telling me i " have this" im almost there "keep going"  to be better together not just comfortable, and not willing to change the unperfect between us and making us both better. 

This is all I want, this is all I ever craved. to find, to want. a desire within me to have that perfect love in my eyes, because my son one knew me better then I knew my self and only built on that. and in turn, I would pour my whole self into them because that's all I know. but now, I find my self lost in my thoughts, thoughts that plague me and had it not been for this vacation I would still be home dredging the next day doing it all over again.  literally going crazy " repeat the same process over again, hoping for a better outcome. I wanted to scream, to cry, to run, to laugh and even just where no one else knows my name."  thinking  lost in my thoughts 

"I don't know what time it is".  I question my self

 I don't' care to look at the clock sitting just inch from me on the nightstand, I have been lying awake at least an hour or more. Sebastian laying next to me sleeping peacefully I was finally able to wear him out. grinning back on how the night played about before sleep consumed us. 

once we left the bath and him carrying me to the bedroom he was true to his words "he wasn't done with me" sleep begged me to find it but I wanted to stay up to enjoy him to let him do what so ever he wished with me. and he did, I was lax after an hour, I had no more left in me. As I  lay in bed Sebastian wanted to taste me on more time, kissing every part of me at least twice before turning me over and doing it all over on the other side. I Purred for him with every touch every kiss and caress he gave me.