Violet Nights

Chapter 37

Wednesday, 11:30pm--

It had been at least an hour since what happened. It's not like either of them had forgotten about it and they probably never would. He wondered to himself why his mind would ever tell him to say something like that, something that messed up, do something like that. Why? There was no reason for it. Maybe he was just sick of bottling up those memories from that night, maybe it was just him shooting off at the mouth. Whatever it was, no verbal apology would work to make it up to Lance. Nothing.

It was dark in the room, almost pitch black besides the small blinking red light in the corner of the room. Small glows broke through the windows from outside, the city lights just barely illuminating the clear glass. Keith thought he could hear the small tapping of raindrops against the window outside. Could he even attempt saying something to Lance? Or would the opposite of what he wanted to say come out instead and make the situation worst? Was it even worth trying to apologize again? Either way, he couldn't help but worry about this. He might've liked Lance just a little romantically. He could've been the person to change everything he'd ever done and make his life better, but of course he had to go and ruin it all, defying his chances of ever being happy. Never did he ever think love was what he needed...

"Lance?" Keith whispered eventually, very lightly shifting in the bed to look at the wall blankly. "Are you awake?" Of course he was, but no response.

"Lance?" he whispered again, hoping to get a reply this time, even if it was just a small sound. Still, no response. He's still mad...

"Whatever..I know you're awake, how could you not be? You don't have to say anything, but I'll do the talking. Just listen.." Keith waited again to see if he'd get a response this time, but still, nothing.

"I know words really don't mean anything to you right now..but I'm sorry for what happened..I don't know why I did that... It was like I couldn't control myself anymore, like something had taken over my body, but in my head I was screaming to stop.. I know that's probably hard for you to understand....But all of the stuff I told you before that was true.. Part of me thinks that I acted that way because of what happened to me.. It might not be, but I just don't know anymore.. I don't know what I need, or what I want anymore..I don't know what to do, I just feel so lost...I constantly ask myself why I'm even still alive and telling myself it would be easier to just end it all short, but..then again, I want to stay alive..."

It was silent for a few moments, just Keith staring at the wall with an emotionless expression. Finally, there was the sound of a small shuffle on the other side of the bed as he felt Lance shift in position and face Keith, whose back was turned. He didn't know until he felt the soft, comforting feeling of an arm crawl its way over his waist from under the covers and pull him closer. The other male's body was warm and soft pressed to his back.

"I know..." he heard Lance whisper back to him after a few minutes. "I know how it feels to be completely lost.."

That was the last thing Keith heard him say before the soft sound of his breathing seemed louder than before, his nose slightly nuzzled into his raven hair. He might have just been holding him out of exhaustion and absent-mindedly. After all, it had only been hours ago that he had been yelling at the desk lady that he didn't want to share a bed with another man. It's not like a man assuming he was straight changed his mind that quickly and decided to hold another man in the same bed as him in the middle of the night. Not like Keith minded. For the time being, Lance's arms around his body made him feel safe where he was, like nothing could hurt him, whether it was physical or emotional. It was like all of those problems faded away just for the moment...