The Book of Literary H'Enjoyment.

B is for Be Content.

I am scum.

Nothing but an unforgivable scumbag.

A sigh left my troubled body as I caressed the bouquet that sat on my desk, a card fell out and I picked it up with my thumb and index finger.

"Love you, Lee."

"Argh." A silent groan left my lips, my head found it's way to the desk.

"Couldn't he at least have added his first name as well?" I asked no one in particular.

"So Mark Lee or Felix Lee?" I guessed, or rather, tried guessing which of the men I was dating sent this gift.

Would it be risky to call both men and ask about the flowers? No, I had a better idea.

"Thank you. Love you too." I texted them both.

"Thanks for what babygirl? Love you as well." Mark sent immediately.

Ah.

Felix sent this bouquet.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. Felix calling.

"I didn't think you would like yellow flowers in a bouquet but I'm glad you liked it." he said, in that deep and melodious voice of his that made me fall into temptation and start my scum-like actions.

"Are you busy this Saturday babe?" he asked.

"Uh no." I said, without thinking or even waiting. I hadn't seen him in a month, since his group had been having promotions in the States, and he just got back.

"Great, 'cuz I miss you a lot. How about we go see a movie?"

"Sure, it's a date." we finalized.

This was greed.

I'd been dating Mark for a bit over a year when I met Felix. My excuse for cheating emotionally and physically was that Mark didn't provide me with the emotional attraction that I so craved.

But that was a lie.

I was just an unfaithful person. I could have spoken to Mark about how I felt, but no, I didn't. I just needed an excuse to entertain Felix's advances and move along with them.

Over the past few weeks, guilt ate me up from the inside. I realized that I was a horrible person when I had to scroll up on each chat before sending a reply to avoid sending a wrong name with a message.

I'd be damned.

I loved both men equally, and refused to let go of either. I was too in love with both of them to lose any.

Friday rolled by quickly, and I found myself touching up my makeup after work, waiting for Felix to arrive and pick me up.

"Why are you dolling up after work Jolene? Gotta hot date?" Eunmi asked excitedly. I hummed in response, a significant percentage of my attention focused on applying a top coat of mascara to my lashes.

The ringtone from my phone grasped my attention from applying my lipstick. I looked down to see the caller.

"Sweetheart."

It was Mark. I remember saving Felix's contact as 'Baby'.

I answered.

"Hey honey, are you busy tonight?" he asked. My heart skipped a beat.

"Uh yeah. Going out with some friends." I replied.

"Okay, maybe next time then. Have fun, babygirl."

"Yeah sweetie. Gotta go now. Love you." I said quickly ending the call right before he could reply 'Love you too'.

I often felt too guilty to hear him say it. He shouldn't be wasting his love on someone like me. Someone better deserved it, someone who would love him solely and fully.