Life is.... hard and frustrating

Part 34

Am I still not good enough?
I try my best to please you everyday
All I do is be told
What to do
When to do it
How to do it
I never have a choice
It's either her way or no way
If I even try my way I always end up
being hurt
Either
Mentally...
Physically....
Verbally....
And most important
Emotionally.....
I love someone so much that I feel like he's the only one I can ever go to or talk to
About what's going on....
I tell people about what's going on
But my mom just says she always makes something up so she doesn't get something her way
But when I get home it's like a whole different story
She says all those thins that the person told her is true but they don't have to know that
Whatever happens in this house stays in this house
I don't end up having an attitude with everyone else because I'm holding so much in me
My tone changes when I talk to someone and I don't realize that
I don't mean to speak in that tone
If my tone changes into like I'm getting mad at that person
Whatever I say I don't mean to say in that tone
I'm just highly frustrated
I love someone.,, a bit too much
I want him to know that he means the world to me and I'm sorry for everything I've done in the past
I hope we last forever
But if so I'm the future I fuck up and do something stupid as usual that might not happen
Sometimes I feel like I'm not in control of my life