The Story of Us | Jikook/Kookmin

3 | Such A Mess

Jimin POV.

A stack of soju on the table, and an almost drunk Jimin.

That's me. It's another one of those nights. 

What am I doing? 

I have no fucking idea, hahah.

I may or may not, OR MAY NOT I SAID, be drunk. 

- AAAH! -I shout with all my might and slam a soju bottle on the table. 

Not minding the loud noise that I'm causing, I shout a couple more times. 

I don't have any more energy.

I am tired...

What have I been doing? Nothing actually, hahah. 

I am stuck.

My head falls on the table on top of my extended arm that is struggling to hold the now empty bottle. How come an empty bottle is so heavy? Did I get that weak?

Maybe I was always weak. Yeah, probably. Mehh, who am I kidding. I definitely was.

- I AM THE GODDAMN WEAKEST PERSON IN THIS PLANEEEET!

I giggle because it comes over me. I am free to do whatever I want, am I not?

- What do you even know Chul-soo, oh?! What do you know?! -I hiccup and blink tiredly, too weak to even raise my head up. -Who said I didn't forget?! How can you know?! Can you open up my heart and see?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! 

The chilly breeze hits me all of a sudden and I shiver. 

- It's too cold... -I pout and my face takes on a sour expression. I can feel goosebumps on my skin. It's somehow both disturbing and satisfying. -Who is going to cuddle me? 

I feel very alone.

It's not something that comes over me just when I am drunk. 

I always feel lonely, not even alone.

Yeah I have Chul-soo, I have my brother who once in a while comes to visit me, and I have my other friends that I hang out with. I have my mother that I visit once in a while and hug if she lets me. I have my dad that... that I see during the days. Then I have Mr. Choi, my landlord and work 'collegue', if I can say, the most kind-hearted man I have seen.

But when you are running away from something or someone, you feel trapped in a crowd anyway.

When you run away from your happiness and try to fulfill that with something else, when you lie to yourself, you feel trapped and alone anyway.

I trapped myself in Busan.

It's no lie. I'm a prisoner of my own punishments.

- You mean human... -I say as little tears start falling unto the dry wooden table I'm sprawled upon. -You heartless selfish boy...