The heart never forgets. It's just that... sometimes there has to be sad endings for the spark of better beginnings.
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~Sequel to Let Us Be Us~
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START DATE: 28.02.109
That night makes me realize things about Jimin hyung.
When he first entered Bangtan Sonyeondan he was very insecure and unsure of himself, like he knew he was in the right place but didn't know how to be the right person. It took him years to realize that he just needed to be himself, and everybody else would get accustomed to him because he was precious just the way he was, but it was years of hard-work that brought his confidence back.
Now... he is worse than the start, it feels like. And more than half of it is not his fault. He is again like a clueless juggler, trying to catch the balls as they fly in the air, come crashing down at him and realizing that he doesn't even know how to hold one ball without letting it fall down, let alone the bunch accelerating at his direction.
And like that he gives up.
It's not his fault. It can't be. The responsibilities he needs to take, the people he needs to please, the 'him' that he needs to keep in the process... It's just too much. Only an extreme end like a cliff edge would make him remember what it felt like to be his in own element again. Even then he looks so helpless... The fact that he seeked for my comfort should have thrilled me, but the helplessness in his eyes, the shock when he was told to 'let go', the fact that he couldn't even believe it was possible until he did it...
Where did my Jimin hyung go?
I get an answer for that when we return home.
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It's 3 a.m. at night. Mrs. Park and another lady are camped up at the swing sofa of our courtyard, defeated to sleep due to the long hours of waiting for our - well, his - return, all curled up in the blanket that usually sits at the corner of the sofa. If they have waited here since midnight, that alone makes a total of 3 hours... Mrs. Park must have been so worried, and whoever that other lady is, her too it seems... They jolt awake at the sound of the courtyard door when we walk in, and Mrs. Park is all over Jimin hyung's neck, hugging him and whispering worried condolences like she is trying to recover his passing away.
It's weird to watch, and uncomfortable too. That's how Jimin hyung looks exactly when he notices the girl still sitting at the sofa, unsure of what she has to do with her hands, clutching them tightly between her thighs that swallow the dress she is wearing into a onesie.
And then I come into the picture, caught off-guard while watching the scene unfold. Mrs. Park is at first shocked, then horrified, then terrified and then helplessly holding unto Jimin hyung while demanding answers from him regarding what he was doing with me at this late hour of the night. Jimin hyung just dozes off into my eyes for a while, long enough to get me hot and worried about still being there; should I have disappeared into the house before they even realized I was here? Did I get him into more trouble than he already is in?
