-ASH-
"I let you down once again." I say to Ms Daria. Her husband is not in the house, so I thought about going to see her.
"Ash, you're not a disappointment. Don't you ever think like that." she says while caressing my back as we both sit on the couch.
I hide my face with my hands, as I'm trying to hold back the goddamn tears. I would never cry in front of anyone. But she's the only one who understands.
"I realise how tough this must be for you. It was such a sudden change for your life. You've been through a lot as a person and I'm really proud of you. Don't let stupid things get you down. Stay positive."
I nod. "I'm trying. All the time. But I feel like something is burning inside of me and I can't stop that." I stop and sigh. "But honestly, I do not mean it. I don't understand why I feel like losing control when people's eyes are on me. But I do not mean it." I say while breathing heavily.
"I know you don't mean it, Ash." she's the only one who calls me Ash. "You're not used to this. People are judgemental. But, you know I'll always be here, right?" she says and I nod.
"We both knew this wouldn't be an easy start." she adds.
"I feel like ... a weirdo." I say shakily while wiping the tear from my warm cheek.
"You shouldn't be feeling like this. You deserve more. I know it's only the beginning but, have you met anyone? You should try making some friends." she says, as long as she has me in her embrace.
"No. Not really." I shake my head. "But, there's this girl actually. I'm not sure though. We've only talked for a couple of times." I say and for a reason, I can't help those strange feelings I get inside me at the thought of Emma.
"Why don't you try? It could turn as a good thing."
"Or not." I say and raise my shoulders.
"Oh Ash. What did I tell you about positivity?" she says and I finally smile. She's the only one who can turn my sadness into joy.
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I want to call Emma but I'm not sure if I should. She's been remote from me these days, but I guess I can give it a try. Maybe it's me that she keeps her distance. The truth is that the texts that I have sent her seem sharp. It's not like I do that on purpose though. I don't want her to think that I'm being rude to her. It's because I suck at texting. I didn't even know how to do it since this week.
"Oh hey Ashton," she finally answers her phone. She sounds like I interrupted her from something.
"Hi Emma. Am I bothering you?" I ask her as I rub the back of my neck with my hand.
"No. No." she says, but I feel like she's lying.
"Well, ... I was wondering ... if --" I start stuttering now. "If you would ... like to go out ... sometime?" I say and bite my bottom lip.
Why I feel so nervous all of a sudden? It's not like we would go on a date. We can go out as friends, right? I mean, I don't really know her and I can't trust her from now. I don't think I could ever tell her about me. I must trust someone one hundred per cent to tell them. And my worst fear is that I'll never find someone to trust.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" she finally replies after a short awkward silence.
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"It's been good today, Ashton. Are you feeling good?" Mr Roger asks me.
It's been another day at work, and finally without any trouble.
