OH MY GOD THANKS FOR 1K READS THIS IS INCREDIBLE....
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-MIKE-
'hey ho, let's go. hey ho, let's go. they're forming in straight line. they're going through a tight wind. the kids are losing their minds. the blitzkrieg bop.'
I push myself to get my phone and close the alarm, and then lay back in the couch. What a great way to wake up by hearing the amazing voice of Joey Ramone.
I barely slept last night. And it's not because of this fucking uncomfortable couch. It's just my mind. I can't unwind, not even for a moment.
I've never, ever felt like this before. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling right now.
I check the clock and it's like 8:30 am. Why would I even put my alarm so damn early? It's not like I have school or anything else.
I was never a morning person, but these days I find myself taking long walks alone, in the mornings. I just feel so different in a weird way. I feel like leaving my parents was a good decision.
Speaking of parents, they still haven't made an effort to talk to me. But, I'm not trying anymore. They don't care about their son, why should I care about them?
I take a silent sigh, as I get up and change myself. Calvin is probably still sleeping, but he knows that I like going out.
As I'm tying my shoes, this thought just hits my mind. 'Should I find Ashton?'
Damn, maybe he's the reason why I couldn't sleep yesterday. How can this kid be in so much trouble? I don't even get myself in so much trouble.
According to Calvin's source, one of them passed out. He seems so tough and everything, but I'm not sure if he would hit someone like that. Did he really cause all that?
God. My mind just can't let go of thinking about him. Everytime, I try to distract myself from him, his face comes back in my mind.
I really want to just forget for a moment, and take a long walk outside. Like I said, I was never an outgoing person, never liked walking around, but now it's pretty helpful.
I like being by myself, and just thinking. It's all I would always do anyway.
I don't remember myself having friends or going at parties and stuff like that.
My parents never took me to a relative's house. I don't know the rest of my family. I don't even know anything about them. My cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents. I envy the feeling of having a family. A real one.
I shake my thoughts and look down as I'm still walking.
My life is pretty fucked up.
I still remember myself taking -- god knows how many -- pills. Not because, I thought it was cool. But because I thought they would take my pain away. Like, they would make me forget about how alone I felt. But, they never did. They never helped.
I always tried to trick myself from anything. I would even just hook up with some girls from school or even girls who weren't from my school. Pleasuring them, but I never felt the pleasure back. Nothing. None of what I tried made me feel better. Or important. I just want to belong somewhere. No matter how stupid it sounds, but it sucks to be me. It sucks to feel alone. I never had anyone by my side.
Only music was there for me. I realize how much writing lyrics, helps me get through. Writing my feelings down. I just wish I had someone to share them. I can't even show all of my lyrics to my bandmates. Some of them are so personal, and I don't feel ready to open myself to them. They barely know me.
