-ASH-
What did I do to deserve all of this?
Nothing feels okay anymore. It never did anyway; but this time, it fucking hurts. It hurts like it never did before.
And I don't know what's worse; that Mike said what he said, or that I was stupid enough to trust him?
Maybe, it's not meant for me to be happy. Maybe, I just don't deserve it after all.
Was I that stupid to even believe that I had made a friend? I don't even want to think about him anymore. I really believed in him. In us. But, he just decided to destroy everything with one fucking sentence.
He causes me so much pain and anger, and I should put him out of my life. He's not worth any of my time.
I let a loud groan come out of my mouth as I shake my head, trying to distract myself from all of this. But, I'm really curious what he's thinking about right now. Has he any sign of guilt or regret? Or he pretends like it never happened?
"I hope you know what you've put me through." I mutter to myself as I barely move in my bed. I don't feel like getting up. My legs are just so weak to make any kind of movement.
::
"What's the matter, honey?" Ms Daria asks concerned. She came earlier to my apartment, to help me make some lunch.
Well, it's not like I can't cook, but I hoped that I could keep myself distracted for a while; but obviously that didn't last long.
"You're so zoned-out today. Does something bother you?" she asks, looking straight in my eyes.
"It's not really ..." I start saying, but I could never lie to this person.
I take a silent sigh and rub my left eye.
"Well, it's just ... so hard." I say, biting my lip so my voice wouldn't crack.
Ms Daria pays full attention to me, giving me a worried look.
"What's so hard, Ash?" she asks and I immediately get chills after hearing her calling me like that, just like Mike did.
"It's Mike." I manage to say. "We had some argument the other night, and we don't talk now." I finish.
"I hope it's not serious." she replies.
"It is. Very serious. You can't imagine how furious he made me." I say while trying to calm myself. My pulse starts to race.
Ms Daria rubs her hand on my shoulder, preventing me from losing control.
"He said something that I just can't forget. He hurt my feelings." I say after pausing at times, because of my unsteady breath.
"Maybe he didn't mean it." she tries to make me believe her, but she doesn't even know the half of it.
"I think he did. Because if he didn't so, he wouldn't say something so heartless like that."
I don't intend to tell her exactly what happened.
She doesn't need to know. She doesn't deserve that pain. She barely knows Mike anyway.
"Maybe it was at the heat of the moment. Maybe he just spitted words out without even thinking. Who knows? Maybe, he's going through a lot, too; and he wasn't thinking straight."
"I trusted him. In a level, I never thought I would reach. I told him everything." I say and then realize that my hand has formed a strong fist.
"Here." Ms Daria takes my hand and gives me one pill and a glass of water, to my other one.
