-ASH-
I still haven't talked to Mike yet.
I'm just so damn terrified that I might say something that I shouldn't, and make things worse. I've already lied to him; I don't have to fuck things up more.
I mean, he's so good and honest to me, and all I did to him was lying.
How can he forgive me now? And most important, how can I forgive myself for what I've done? This is not how you treat your friends. And I just learned how it is to have one. I don't want to lose him, just like all of my old "friendships" that never lasted in the orphanage.
Mike is a good friend. I could call him my best friend.
"Hey Ashton. I need your help." Mr Roger wakes me up from my daydream.
I just walk to him, without responding, to see what he needs. As always he gives me some books to arrange; and this is how we only communicate these days. He hasn't spoken a word about that, and it drives me crazy.
I know I should apologize, but everytime I try to start a conversation with him, his eyes go down and changes the subject.
"You know what you have to do." he says while pointing to some books.
I sigh and take them in my arms. "Look Mr Roger," I start saying but he leaves as if he didn't listen.
"No. You have to listen to me." I almost yell.
"And why is that, Ashton?" he asks.
"I am s-sorry." and that's all I say until the phone rings and makes me jump off. Such a bad-timing.
"Local Library. How could I help you?" he answers the phone.
After a few seconds, I just walk away to do what I have to do. But damn those books; there are so many, making me dropping some of them on the floor.
I go down on my knees, and as soon as I extend my hand to reach the books, my hand meets an another person's hand.
"I'll help you."
I raise my head to see a young girl -- maybe around my age.
"No, it's fine. I can handle this." I say taking some of the books in my arms, but this girl has already managed to take some, too.
"These are really heavy. I just couldn't watch you without helping you." she says and looks at me with a smile.
She follows me all around the halls, as she seems so helpful. I can feel her staring at me while I put the books to their place. I'm not saying anything and act like she's not there.
But, the way she keeps staring at me just drives me crazy. Maybe she doesn't only want to help, but the truth is I'm done with girls. At least, for now.
It's been almost two weeks since I had an anger attack. I'm not going to lose control over this girl that I don't even know the name of.
As soon as I end with the books, I start walking away.
"Uhm, you're welcome?" I hear her saying behind me.
I turn around, "Oh yeah, thanks." I say and then walk again.
"Well, I was just trying to be polite." she says sounding annoyed.
"Okay. I said thanks. I just don't need help." I snap and then she doesn't say anything and leaves.
I sigh. Dammit, I think. I just can't help it, can I? I can't help but act like a selfish rude bastard. I put my hand to my pocket and take the box with my pills. I take one and put it on my mouth, until I swallow it.
