Secrets Aren't Lies

Chapter 3

Kijun keeps staring at me, her expression filled with worry. She shakes me, "Jiyeon! Jiyeon!" She shouts, attempting to snap me out of my trance. I just shake my head, my lips parted slightly, breathing heavily, and stuttering with soft whispers.

"Miss Jiyeon?" The lady on the phone checks to see if I'm still there, but her voice is distant.

Leo puts his hand on my back and picks up my phone for me. He lays it on the table, rubbing my shoulder soothingly to try to calm me down. It's not even close to helping me. I can tell he is astonished by my suddenly changed behavior.

The lady's words echo through my head, my imagination pictures my brother lying there dead, I don't want to believe it. "I-It can't be true." Flashbacks of hearing about my dead parents flicker in my mind and I weep out, tears instantly flooding from my puffy eyes.

"Jiyeon, what happened?" Kijun shouts, panicking frantically. Her yelling grabs attention of the other workers around the table and I just feel everybody's eyes on me.

"I-I'm sorry, I have to go." I stand up wearily and toss my purse over my shoulders, frightened. I end the call and shove my phone in my pocket.

"I'm coming with you." Kijun states firmly as she rises from her chair.

"N-no! The immediacy is enough let alone with you there, it would make this so much worse. P-please, stay." I beg desperately, my hands still shaking violently.

"I'm going for the support, whatever happened, I need to be there for you." Kijun confirms and starts guiding me out of the office. I comply without saying a word and she takes me out of the building, I point the way to go, assuming it was right outside of his office, unable to even speak at this point. The air is cold as the breeze grows stronger and more crisp against my skin.

The horrible feelings start to return to my body in the pit of my stomach, the feeling that I thought would never come back, it has returned and it's sickening. We start to see a large crowd hovering over each other in a circle in the distance. Kijun rushes me over there and pushes our way through the mass of people, but we are blocked off by caution police tape.

"Everybody just stay back!" The officers yell. There are a group of them standing around somebody on the ground.

I can't handle this anymore, I grip the police tape tightly and lift it up, running underneath it impulsively. "Jiyeon!" Kijun shouts after me, leaning forward worriedly.

"Hey! You can't be in here!" A police officer booms and runs over to me, blocking my path.

I try to push him out of my way the best I can, sobbing uncontrollably. "That's my brother!" I scream loudly in his face. My voice cracks and I run around him, advancing towards the immobile body on the ground.

I pull off the sheet and I gasp, my body going numb and my knees tremble beneath me. My legs buckle, my feet give out, and my body falls to the ground, next to his lifeless body. His blood stained suit, the bullet hole in his head, his face discolored, it is all too much to take in. It is unbearable. I quiver, crying out. Kijun also runs under the police tape and makes it by my side. She pats my back as my head sinks down onto Hongbin's still chest.

"Hongbin..." I whimper and whine, my tears soaking his shirt. This is all too overwhelming for me, that I begin to actually feel sick and faint like. This bloody sight of Hongbin is hewn into my mind. Yelling voices echoes through the multitude of people, but it begins to blur out of my hearing. Kijun turns around as my arm is grasped and yanked up.

I land my cheek against a man's chest and his embrace is tight around me. I recognize the man's scent, so I know who it is. My knees feel limp as I stand, afraid to open my eyes, I just keep sobbing.

"Leo, what are you doing here?" Kijun rises up to her feet and questions immediately. The police are yelling at us to leave as they start moving Hongbin's body, saying it's dangerous for us to be here.

Leo quietly passes a camera to Kijun, still hugging me and cocks his head towards the body. "I came as soon as I heard, they called our office to cover the story and write an obituary, Jiyeon, I'm so sorry." He only hugs tighter.

I hear the camera click a few times, which only manages me to cry harder. I fist Leo's shirt tightly with shaking hands. He drags me away from the scene, but I try to push against him to resist.

"No! I'm not leaving him!" I scream with a harsh voice, reaching out as best as I can. I pound against Leo's chest, "He can't be dead!" My body falls onto the ground, restlessly, as my knees gave out from weary.

Leo swoops me into his arms, and carries me out of the commotion, Kijun following us. She slips the camera away and she heads back to the office, after Leo whispers to her. I'm broken and dazed that I couldn't hear them. All I can barely feel is Leo carrying me. I'm mumbling nonsense until I eventually just see darkness.

I regain consciousness after about an hour, waking up on Leo's couch. I'm covered in a warm blanket with a cloth on my face and a fluffy pillow placed under my head comfortably.

"Well, I'm glad to see you awake." Leo chuckles softly, walking towards me with a fresh bowl of soup on a tray. He helps me sit up, slowly, and strokes my brown, curly hair softly.

"Ugh, what h-happened?" I groan slightly, with an annoyance. Leo places the tray on my lap and he sits down next to me, a different look to his face.

"Just eat up, okay?" Leo glances up into my eyes, sensitively. I turn my head to check the time and my eyes expand.

"Aren't we supposed to be at work?" I panic, shifting my head towards him.

"Boss gave us the day off." Leo says simply then looks at me sternly. "Now eat, Jiyeon."

I sigh and nod, beginning to eat as he said to. My head hurts a little, and my cheeks feel like there is dried water on them. I rub my eyes, the room going silent.

Nothing seems normal between us. I sense a tension barrier in the room and feels like my heart has turned to metal, sinking to bottom of my feet. "Leo?"

"Yes?" He swipes his fingers through his hair and turns his head to me, his forearms leaning on his thighs.

"Is Hongbin really, you know, dead?" I weep softly, gripping the spoon in my hand tightly.

The room is quiet until Leo breaks the pregnant silence with a low sigh passing between his lips. "Yes..." he states with a fading tone.

A tear instantly falls into my bowl, crying silently. I put the spoon down on the tray and pass it to Leo. "E-excuse me, I need air." I gasp out in a hurry and practically run out of his door, into his front yard.

I bend over, leaning my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. I feel like I'm going to hurl, but I hold it back. "It can't be true." I whisper. I look back at Leo's door and start to run away, hearing him call after me. I can't stop running, I turn my back for a second as the tears free fall from my cheeks, seeing that Leo is not chasing after me.

I sigh in relief as soon as I turn my head back, honestly just needing to be alone to get my thoughts straight. My mind shreds apart from the distraught of losing Hongbin so unexpectedly. I slow down and begin to walk mindlessly down the sidewalk, not even paying attention to where I'm going anymore.

Hongbin's last words to me run through my thoughts a numerous amount of times, hearing his voice like he's still right here with me. I weep softly, my tears making my vision blurry. I feel fully delirious, coming completely unhinged from my true state of mind.

My feet undertakes the heavy load of my body, feeling like they are just dragging along. Everywhere I look, I am just reminded of all the places that Hongbin introduced me to when I moved here with him five years ago, stimulating my hectic brain cells. I try my hardest to only think of the positive moments with him, but that just makes it worse.

I am so entangled with my thoughts, that I guess my feet automatically dragged my body back home to my apartment. I enter without thought, almost begging to see Hongbin sitting on the floor playing his video games. I am disappointed by seeing the empty space on the floor and the listening to the dead silence in the air.