Secrets Aren't Lies

Chapter 28

I groan harshly, extremely uncomfortable. My eyes fully open and I see where I am, looking down at the dirt.

"Good morning, angel. I'm sorry." I whisper, and stand up on my feet groggily. My hands brush the dirt and bugs off of me. My body is extremely sore from the beating I took yesterday that it's really hard to stand properly.

"I will come and tell you everyday that I'm sorry." I nod and start to head home to get clean. I silently let tears escape from my eyes as I think about the nightmare, remembering Jiyeon's sweet voice, even when she yells at me. At least I got to see her. I keep my head down on the way back, not letting anybody see me cry. The sun is just now rising up completely. I hurry home, letting the pain consume me instead of anger. I slam my door shut behind me, immediately falling to the floor against the wall, sulking. I rest my arms on my knees and keep my head down as my hands tangle themselves into my hair. I groan as I rub my scalp in agonizing thoughts.

My head regrettably lifts up and I slowly scan the demolished room, seeing my black case. A terrorizing voice inside my head drives me to reach for it, bringing it toward me. The gun that has been with me throughout all of this, the gun that avenged Jiyeon. My hands become shaky as I unlock the case hesitantly, opening it. A strong deep voice grows louder, demanding me to pick it up.

I do as the voice says, unable to control it or deny it. My whole body has become dark and full of sadness, more empty than it ever has been. I've had an empty feeling before, but never this powerful. It's like I'm falling into this empty dark void. Tears stream down my face as the gun rises to the side of my temple with a quivering hand. I screw my eyes shut intensely, the unsteady gun presses against my head. The voice is screaming at me to pull the trigger. My heart tells me that I desperately want to see Jiyeon and my parents up there as well, but the other half of my heart tells me otherwise.

I pull the gun away from my head and put it back in it's case. I can't kill myself, that would be too easy. I need to live with the pain that I caused. Jiyeon didn't want me dead, so I am going to stay alive for her since I am the one that killed her. These thoughts pain me more than anything else, but it's only fair. I cry heavily, putting my face into my wobbly hands. My body tenses with overwhelming emotions.

Leo P.O.V

Kijun and I sit in the office alone, since we asked for privacy. We try to collect our thoughts, looking at each other desperate for answers. I notice the complete sadness in her eyes for losing Ravi and she rubs her enlarged stomach. She's been crying a lot, definitely moody from the pregnancy, but I also can't blame her. My eyes are puffy as well from losing Jiyeon, but Kijun is about to have a child alone. That's got to be the worst. I sigh heavily, rubbing my temple.

We debate whether or not to write Jiyeon's obituary, nobody even knows she's dead. Everything is so secret and it has been the way for months now, ever since Jiyeon started finagling with Ken. Kijun told me that she would love to put Ken in jail for killing Ravi, but she has no proof or anything, and there would be a lot to explain.

Everybody in the office has asked us where Jiyeon went and we only told them that she moved away and that she didn't want to say goodbye because she couldn't handle it. We had no idea what else to say, I couldn't bring myself to tell them the truth, there would be too many questions. I stare at the last picture I have of Jiyeon that we printed out for the obituary, but I just hold it close to my heart in my hand tightly. We both decide to keep it a secret and not write it. My feelings feel so scattered and disrupt that I look at Kijun in distress.

"You could've saved her if you all you told her was just to stay away from him." I state firmly in despair.

"If she didn't listen to you, why would she listen to me?" She retorts fiery.