i see the light// seaycee

falling from beneath me(18)

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sean made his way over to their usual lunch table, already dreading seeing Gabe again. As he came closer, he noticed her absence.

"wheres Kaycee?" he said, a look of confusion on his face, she always came with tahani.

"Wow, hi to you too lew," Julian said sarcastically, shaking his head before returning to his sandwich.

Tahani scoffed at the boy seated beside her, looking up to sean. "shes showing Gabe around today, didn't she tell you?" she said, tilting her head slightly at his confusion.

"no... she didn't." Sean said, plopping down into his usual seat, running his hands through his hair.

a few moments of silence passed between the three, comfortable, but still an air of tension in seans demeanour.

"who the hell is this guy anyways T?" he finally said, his anger already boiling up.

"me, her and Gabe were all best friends from kindergarten till he left in eighth grade. Pretty inseparable really, we were a package deal," she said, smiling gently as if recalling a fond memory.

"why has she never mentioned him? shes always told me it was just you and her," he said, still trying to figure out how he could have just come out of nowhere.

"when Gabe left, she took it really hard. He had been the only guy to ever take notice of her," she stated, putting a grape in her mouth.

"i just can't understand... he's kind of a jerk," she said, exasperated.

"He used to be sweet. Honestly, but as soon as we hit middle school and girl started eyeing him, he developed quite an ego. I guess its grown from there, i can't even stand to talk to him anymore."

"but she just, doesn't she...?"

"you of all people should know that kaycee believes in the best in people sean." sighing, sean nodded.

Julian, who had been silently eating during their conversation, suddenly looked up.

"cmon dude. can't you just man up and ask her out?!" he said, throwing his hands up in frustration. tahani stifled a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.

"it's not that simple Jules."

"and why not? you like her, she likes you... i dont see a problem." julian said, turning to look at tahani, who nodded.

Sean shook his head. "i wish it was guys, but honestly, i dont even know if she... she doesnt... i cant." he stuttered, trying to explain their situation.

"what makes you say that?" Julian asked, honestly trying to see his friends point of view.

"at camp." sean started, knowing that the only way they would understand was if they knew what had happened in the forest many months ago.

~~~

"I just can't do this sean! I am not good enough for you! I am not good enough for anyone! How can I expect myself to be your someone when I know in my heart that there are so many girls out there who are actually worth your time! I am not worth anyone's time." she exclaimed, the frustration of her heart spilling out.

"Kaycee Rice. You are more than enough for me." he spoke gently, sensing the growing panic in her voice.

"Sean, my mind and my heart are in a battle every single second over you. I want you so bad but i know that i wouldn't be the someone that you want me to be. I don't know how to be that person." She said, trying to put her feelings into words."

"i dont care if you dont know how Kaycee, i don't know how either. The only thing that i do know is that I want you, only you. The imperfect you, the beautiful you, the inspiring you, as long as it's you. You have changed my life in ways i could never put into words and i dont know how i could ever live without you." he said slowly, a single tear running down his face.

"i don't know if i can be the person that you save your smiles for sean." she said, her eyes digging holes in the soil beneath them.

"there is so much light inside of you kayc, you cant see it, but everyone else can." he said, raising her chin with his fingers, angling her head so their eyes met. "i know you arent sure of me, that you arent sure of yourself, that you aren't sure of us. I want you to feel safe with me, i want this to be real. so if we have to wait, to figure things out, I will. I'd wait forever for you Kaycee because you are worth more than everything else in my life combined" He smiled softly at the girl in his hand, her eyes puffy from the sobs that had controlled her.

"its just scary. feeling so strongly about someone," she whispered,

"im scared too, but we can get through this," he replied. " we dont have to rush into things, i want to go slowly with you Kaycee, i want it to mean something."

She gave a slight nod, and fell into his arms, wanting more than anything to be in his embrace.

"thank you sean. for being a friend to me," she said into the skin where his neck met his shoulder.

~~~

"she's not ready, she doesn't think she can be someones, someone," he said, trying to hold back the tears that prickled his eyes. "I'm scared that it's just me who shes not ready for, that she'll never be ready for me. It took weeks for her to let me sit less than 5 feet away from her, even longer for me to hold her hand, and then he shows up, and she jumps right into his arms." his voice breaking as he finished.

The two seated across from him shared a look, both unaware of how deep their connection ran. Unsure what to say to him, seans head lowered, forehead pressed into the heels of his hands. Tahanai reached over the table, tapping his hand, forcing his head to raise as she wrapped her hand in his.

"if I'm sure of anything in this world, its that the two of you will find your way to each other. It might not be soon, it might hurt like hell, but I know that when it does, it will last." tahani said, a small sympathetic smile on her face.

"i just don't know how long i can watch her with him. Its only been a day and i already feel like the ground is falling out from under me." sean said, a tear falling from his eyes which was quickly mopped up with his sleeve.

sean spent the rest of the day in a daze, a single thought in constant rotation in his mind.

That it is scary to love someone when you aren't sure you even know how.

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an// so sad, poor sean, dumb gabe... my thoughts

love can be confusing sometimes, even in true love it can be hard sometimes to see what is right in front of you.

thank you for the support! I love hearing all of your feedback, good or bad! :)

i swear ive read every seaycee story on this app haha, put some of your favourite ones down below, i need more things to read to get me through this drought were in.

-love you guys<3 see you next update:)