Remember the times

Chapter 9

Wake up,Eat something and all day immerse in the Journal.That was Jungkook's to-do list every other day.Not that he was a slow reader but he kept on reading atleast twice the same page to make sure that he understood it right.He had the urge to skip to the page titled his own name when he had noticed there was something for every members.But he wanted to know it all,He wanted to know Jimin more.Although it was breaking him as he read on.

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Jin was always in the kitchen with his mom,trying to learn something new.At times when he didn't do it,he read.He read a lot of books and he didn't stop cause if he stopped,he knew that he will end up worse than the others.Jin called each of them and made sure they are doing fine,only Yoongi kept cutting his call,Tae barely uttered any words but still he took the phone,Jin was worried.And along with it,the guilt.. the useless guilt was boring into his bones.He tried to tell himself,things will get better eventhough he knew that it was a lie.

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Hoseok spend his days with his sister,she took him out most times.She kept urging him to dance but he just couldn't.It brought back memories.He was always there in every memory of his dances.He forgot what he used to do when he wasn't dancing.He used to talk a lot to him.Now he's just blank.Life was changing and it scared him.The mirror no more showed his happy self.It got buried away six feets under with his brother.

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After a couple of other interviews, Namjoon had returned to Ilsan.He tried to follow his usual routine,he needed to stay sane for the sake of the team and  their fans.So he took his early morning walks,didn't mind even as it rained.He walked a lot before the city woke up.He resorted to a park bench at the end of those walks,just watching people.Their laughs,smiles,pain,loneliness ..Life in all it's colours and glory.Is there anyone out there who wasn't ever scathed by pain and loss? Is there anyone who hadn't lost someone they love the most ?Is this just another chapter in his life?

Most of the time Eon jin and Jeon gyu stayed by him,It made Taehyung think that they believed that if they lost focus,they will lose their brother forever.And he let them stay,cause he was afraid of his own thoughts,the power of what it could do to him.Also the fact that he can't be fixed.Even for a second,if he's let alone,his head spins in a circle of flashbacks.round and round,down the whirlpool and then he'd scream before he crumble down.And slowly he saw,that faded small figure smiling at him,it seemed real.

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He was looking for his parents in the large crowd.He dragged his body on his tired legs.The concert had just ended and he could barely stand but he kept walking cause he needed to see them,see if they are proud of him,see if he had made his dream,see if all the pain was worth it.So he searched for them,putting his arms above his eyes to block the blinding lights.And after walking to the T side of the stage,he saw his parents.

"found them",He told himself and his face broke into a smile.In the midst of excited fans,two pairs of eyes and tears running down their faces.And just by one look,he knew.He had done it.This was all he ever needed and it broke him,The weight he had bore to this very moment.He stood facing them and knelt,did a deep bow.And in that second everything started coming back to him.

"I TOLD YOU TO STUDY,NOT TO MAKE THIS SH*T"
"Appa,andhwae..give it back to me"
"I AM PUTTING AN END TO THIS"
"Appa,nooo...I had worked on it for months"
"All those times ,you could have studied.BE WORTH SOMETHING IN LIFE THAN BEING USELESS"
"Appaaa..."
The paper burnt and only ashes were left.

Yoongi could still smell that burnt paper.He stayed in that bow,he didn't hear the loud music or fan chants.He couldn't remember anything but those eyes,those tears.They are proud of me,I proved am worth it.That's when he broke,he shook as his tears fell onto the stage.He was sobbing loudly which got drowned in between the cheers.Maybe that's why he didn't control the outburst of his emotion.His heartbeat fast,more tears.He wasn't Agust D or Suga.He was just Yoongi,Min yoongi.A boy from Daegu who dreamt to conquer the world,hearts of a million people.

He was just a boy who played basketball with his friends on evenings.He was just a boy who stayed awake all school nights to write music and sell them to make a living.He was just a boy who dozed off later on in class.He was just a boy standing outside the class looking to the end of the corridor waiting for someone who won't come.He was just a boy.Someone put their hand on his back and gently clutched his side.He took a deep breath,thanks whoever it is.

I am tough I can't hug you even though I love you to the moon and back.I can't tell you that it's difficult to live without you even though I know I'd die the moment you leave me.I have a wall,that's so high.I built it up so noone can see what I am really like,now I can't break it down cause it is too strong and tall already.

"Hyung, It's okay",Jimin had said,"you are fine,Everything is fine now"

Yoongi smiled wickedly like he was possessed by some evil entity.He was still on the floor.Blood oozing from his  wounds,multiple cuts all the way from his elbow to palm and a pen knife lay beside him.Jimin knew him.If Yoongi had stayed awake any nights,One would be to work and write music,and the second was talking to Jimin about all his worries and hardships.Yoongi doesn't know why but with Jimin it was all different.He easily had the key to everyone's heart and Yoongi was no exception.Yoongi turned around on the floor to see his phone ring.

'Seokjin Hyung'

He just stared at it,like it was something he discovered just then.He made no attempt to pick it up.

Jin was frustrated,why the hell was he not picking up his phone.Yoongi hadn't given any of them,the phone number to his parent's house or his brother.Should he ask Taehyung to go check on him?No,Taehyung is unstable himself.Jin had left messages for Yoongi in every social media possible.He had replied to none.Jin thought back to the morning when he had warned Yoongi about his depression and Yoongi had promised him.Maybe Jin was getting worried for nothing,Maybe Yoongi just needed some time to himself and Jin chose to just let it be.Let Yoongi take his time.

A/N:Sorry,it took a bit long,I was working on yet another story and life got busy cause of things.Hope you enjoy reading.